The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Completed

Chapter 17

March 16th

Dear Simon,

I haven't been to school in 2 weeks, mom has given up on me as she often does best. I haven't eaten very much and I don't need to look in the mirror to be able to tell that my weight has plummeted to the point that I am barely alive.

I wish you were here. I wish I had you to talk to because I hate being by myself, but I can't trust anyone besides myself now. I feel so used and stupid.

I don't know what hurts more, finding out that Lincoln has been cheating on me or completely losing every single friend in the process. I cry most days. When my mother leaves for work I go down to the kitchen and try to eat something, the hunger creating pangs in my stomach. When I can't eat, I drink water. Many days I want to die and be with you there, but a part of me wants answers... revenge. For the first few days, I hated Scarlet more than anyone in the entire world, but now I hate Jaime and Lincoln so much more it makes me grit my teeth.

Lincoln told me Jaime left Scarlet for "some guy"" and he never said it was him. I wonder how long it took Scarlet to find out that Lincoln was the guy and then to forgive him and remain in the group. I wonder if Scarlet was sending information back to Jaime hoping that Jaime would like her more because of it. I wonder if Lincoln can sleep at night knowing all the hurt he's put me through. He probably doesn't care. It was all just an act.

I think back to the cabin and something in me hopes that at least that part was real. But I shake my head and clench my fists before the tears flow over my cheeks. Every moment I thought we had was now tainted. I throw up on the floor next to me.

****************************************************************

March 17th

Dear Simon,

There is a knock at my door. Mom answered and I hear mumbling and muffled voices. Shortly after, I hear light footsteps tethering up my stairs, I back away from the door. The person knocks twice.

"Hedy. It's me. I'm sorry, we have to talk." Scarlet's voice is calm and apologetic but anger rises through me. I feel the press of my finger nails into my palms and only then realize that my fists are clenched. I watch the door knob rattle.

"Come on, open up. Let me apologize." She says pleadingly.

"I was hurt. I fucking like you and Lincoln just treats you like something to do on the side. I was mad that you left me for him..." She says. She is mumbling now as if she doesn't think I can hear her. Maybe she thinks I am sleeping.

"I was just jealous. I wish I could take back what I said..." It's quiet again. I don't move, hoping she will leave soon.

"We can smoke sometime, blow off some steam. You have to shower though, I can smell your BO from here." She chuckles and then lightly taps on the door.

"Okay. Bye I guess."

I hear footsteps down the stairs. I take some time to cry before falling asleep again.