The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Completed

Chapter 19

Dear Simon,

The nauseous mornings where I throw up have passed and I am glad that they have. I am starting to show but I am thin so it isn't completely obvious with the large shirts I've been wearing. I called into school the last few days to let them know that I was pregnant and they said the would keep it private. I somehow managed to do well enough that being absent for a month has done little to my gpa. The teachers seem understanding enough, I guess I don't have to go to summer school.

The principal called me yesterday to congratulate me on the growing child inside me. He asked if I was alright and I faked a laugh and lied. Maybe after it's born, I can go back to school and finish. I owe the baby that, at least.

I cleaned my room and showered, I haven't seen mom in a few days. I think she finally left.

I try to eat a little bit more, try to drink water. I've gained back a few pounds.

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May 20th

Dear Simon,

I've been thinking about the best thing to do for the baby, I don't want her to be raised like I am with a mother who couldn't give two shits about her and an absent father. I sit up in my bed and drink a few sips of water before bathing and combing the knots out of my hair. I eat a light breakfast. I attempt to dress nice. I pick out a long pink dress from my closet, one flowing enough to hide the baby bump.

It is warm outside as Summer draws near and as I walk to the main roads to catch a cab, I realize I have no money. I get in anyway and tell the bald cab driver, Lincoln's address. When I approach the familiar house, I walk up to the porch and knock on the door, motioning to the cab driver to wait one minute.

He honks is horn, already upset.

Lincoln opens the door and I sigh relieved that it isn't his mother or father. They were never home anyway. The look on his face when he saw me could not be described as anything positive. Shock? Confusion? Pitty?

"I took a cab, but I have no money." I say lightly.

Without a word, Lincoln heads back inside and comes out with his wallet. He walks past me and pays the cab driver who nods and drives away. As he is walking back towards me, I think for a split second if he missed me even a little.

He motions for me to come in and I do so, heading right to the couch. He sits in the couch across from me, his hair growing back to its normal length but not quite there yet. It is still short enough to expose his blue eyes.

"Hi." He says lightly but with confusion so present in his voice, I wonder if I made a mistake coming here. I pondered for days what he would do when I told him I was pregnant. The best case scenario was him dropping everything he was doing to help me take care of the baby. The worst case scenario, is one I tried not to think about in fear of slipping so deep into depression that I can't move again. With the one thousand thoughts going through my head, I look up at him.

"Hi." I finally return.

He leans back in the couch, then leans forward on his knees a few moments after. Unsettled.

"I'm pregnant." I say in one breath. Rip the band-aid off. I watch his face turn and my stomach turns with it.

Disgust and contempt plastered on a face I once loved, maybe still do.

"What?" He spat, but the word doesn't come out clear. It was probably muffled by regret.

"I'm pregnant." I say again. I look him dead in the eyes now, just in case he attempts to escape the truth. "With your child."

He runs his fingers through his hair and I can see cold sweat start to form on his head. Panic.

His chest rises and falls and all this time, I sit on the couch completely in control. I guess being out of control for so long does that to you.

He looks at me, wanting to speak but not knowing what to say.

Finally, after a few minutes of freaking out, he tries to calm himself.

"Okay." He nods. He nods aggressively and swallows loud.

"How much money?" He asks.

I look at him confused myself.

"What do you mean?" I leave my hands in my lap, I haven't moved since I sat down. My back begins to ache.

"How much money is it to get rid of it." He stares at me, completely set on killing my child.

A few seconds pass and I can't imagine the look on my face. I begin to laugh, like whatever little patience in me had fled, fast.

Like the switch finally clicked and all I needed was for him to say it one more time.

The words play over and over in my head and it's like I can feel myself going insane with rage.

Get rid of it?

I laugh a little longer, my breathless chuckle turning into a cackle. He looks at me in clear distaste.

"I'm having this baby." I say with everything in me. There is still a smile on my face but there is anger in my smile. I can feel the veins popping out of my head.

"Like hell, you are." He says threateningly.

I laugh out loud again and stand up as I adjust my dress.

"Okay, this was nice." I nod to him. I walk over to the chair he is sitting on and stand in front of him. It is quiet as he watches me and even more quiet after I reach my hand back and pull it across his face so hard, a red hand print remains.

He holds his face now, I can imagine the burn and it makes me smile.

"You're aborting that baby, you bitch. Why are you trying to ruin my life?" He yells.

He walks to the kitchen and opens a jar on top of the fridge, pulling out hundred dollar bills.

"How much, huh?" He begins counting the money aggressively until some of it falls on the ground along with the tin pan it was held in.

"How fucking much, Hedy? How much?" He screams.

I smile as I watch him go into the turmoil he has put me through in the last couple days. The loss of control, the spiral, and tonight the loss of sleep. I am glad I came now.

I stay silent and watch him fight the battle with himself.

" I'm going to go." I say as I begin walking to the door.

"You were trash and I took you in, I made you someone, I made you feel like you belong, and now you want to ruin my life. You ungrateful, bitch." He spat across the room and in these words I hear the truth i've been waiting for. The closure.

I cannot cry or laugh anymore, I am static.

"You fight a battle with yourself, that I will never be a part of." I say coldly. I touch the door handle as he continues to scream over himself. He sinks to the floor, his face painted with rage and sadness.

I close the door behind me and rub my stomach. "My precious little baby."

I smile a smile so bright, my face feels odd as it is a motion I haven't done in days.