The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Completed

Chapter 8: Simon's Hands I

November 5th

Dear Simon,

It's been a few weeks since I've written to you, and I know that's completely unacceptable. I lost it on Friday, and I couldn't bear to tell you until I was sure I could handle it. I hadn't seen the group the whole week, mostly because of school work that somehow piled up on me. I was borderline failing trig. But Lincoln found me after school, pretty much hunted me down and walked me behind the bleachers.

He kissed me a few times before actually looking at me. I enjoyed it. Talking was such a hassle sometimes. When he finally pulled away, the look in his eyes scared me. It was so hollow and gone like he had been crying or stressing out. Something was different.

I stared at him momentarily. A gasp might have escaped my lips.

"Lincoln... are you ok?"

He looked around nodding his head one time too many. He smiled uneasy then put his head to mine. The gesture, though intended to be sweet and romantic, was too hard.

"What's wrong?" I asked pulling his head away from mine. He didn't answer. I lifted his eyes to mine.

"Lincoln, look at me."

Lincoln started the car without saying one word. I closed the door and remained quiet as he drove on a path I've never seen before. I resisted asking where he was taking me because soon it was completely clear. StoneBrook Hospital.

My palms began sweating and my heart accelerated as we came closer and closer to the institution that I knew so well it made me nauseous just thinking about it. I couldn't be there. Too many memories were already flashing in and out of my head.

"Lincoln, who's hurt? Please just talk to me." I struggled to keep my voice at a normal tone as the light changed from red to green. The hospital was less than 2 minutes away. I calculated. I knew how many steps it took from the parking lot to the front desk. I knew the floors, I knew every lounge and bathroom, every doctor. I knew.

Lincoln still didn't say a word.

My heart sank and the feeling in my stomach was completely unbearable. Images flashing in and out of my head about the accident began to drive me crazy.

 

"Lincoln, turn around. I can't go in there." I said as normal as I could, I even added a nervous chuckle. He seemed to have calm down by now, but still wouldn't speak.

"Lincoln, please turn around." I said again warningly.

"You know what she said to me before she left the house?" Simon mimicked mom's voice so horribly I could only laugh. "She goes- Simon, if you don't clean up around the house and develop some real skills, you're never gonna land that beautiful girl from Starbucks. You know the one you buy coffee from, even when there's two registers open and a long line at her register blah blahh simon, marry blah blah my lovely son."

We laugh uncontrollably, stoked about running away for the weekend. They never know where we go, but there's a little lake between the blue mountain valleys that no one knows about. We pack up and go there every weekend, just to get away. Simon uses his drug dealing to pay off the hotel. There was a lot mom didn't know about. "I missed you." I say taking one of his hands. I rub my face on it and lick it like a kitten." He laughs. " You are literally the weirdest little sister. I'm pretty sure."

"Shut uppp. I know that. You helped raise me so that's all on you."  I giggle before my eye catches a bright pink punch buggie.

"Woah, check that out." I say pointing at it.

His head turns immediately to glance at it. During the distraction, we fly through the stop light. I catch it before he does and the world comes to a daunting stop.

"SIMON THE ROAD!" I scream as loudly as I can. His head flashes around right in time for his side to be indented with a black van. The impact is so hard, that my head instantly hit's the window. I feel the car being hit again, and then the spinning. We spinned for days before we ended up on the wrong side of traffic. I was conscious. I wish I wasn't.

The last car to hit, was head on. We turned so fast we ended up going down a completely different lane.  Simon's hand was still in mine. The entire time.

"Stop the fucking car! Stop!" I unbuckled my seatbelt and screamed pulling at the door knob.

"Get me out! Please, please, please, Lincoln please."

He pulls over and opens the door immediately, his face showing nothing but confusion and apology.

I quickly get out of the car and struggle to breathe. My body covered in cold sweat. I lay on the floor, my arms now wrapped around my knees.

"I can't go in there." I screamed continuously as I sobbed on the sidewalk close by the intersection before the hospital. I couldn't stop. Lincoln stood there and I couldn't stop.

He tried to help me, but I couldn't stop.

 

And then he took me home and I couldn't stop.

And then he gave up because I couldn't stop.

R.I.P Simon

I killed you and I will never live with that.