The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Completed

Chapter 2- 9/11

September 11th

Dear Simon, 

       I have always stood by the side lines and watched this day pass me by. I always felt helpless and depressed. All that shows on TV are the falling of the twin towers. Two planes flying straight in to them, probably killing hundreds of people on the spot. Thousands of people scream, cry and run through out the large city, so afraid they can barely think or talk straight. They also have the memorials, fireworks in the night time, cemetery visits. It's such a sad day. I've always imagined how it would feel to gaze out of your office window, so high up in the air. You look at a beautiful blue sky and airplanes flying miles away, occasionally. But on this day, what do you see? 

My heart sinks thinking about it. My tears are once again smudging my words. You know what you see Simon? You see a heavy metaled plane, flying in to your window. There is that moment of hopelessness, a moment of fear, the worse thing you can give anyone at all. The thought that "I am going to die and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it." Did they scream? Did they even have time to process what was going on? 

Some say it was a day of unity. Americans came together to help each other and provide for each other. What a lot of people don't realize is that it was the day everything went downhill. We are forever living in fear that something like that will happen again. We have started a war, that has and will claim countless lives. September 11Th might have been a day of unity, but years later, we are still experiencing its effects. A day of unity for a destroyed nation. That's what we are. 

I know you don't like when I write sad things to you. I am trying to stop but I guess things have just been getting worse. I haven't called Dell or seen him around. I hope he stays far, far away from me. I cant believe I was about to hang out with him in the first place. He had basically told me that he was embarrassed to be seen with me. He just said it in the nicest way he could. 

Mom is cooking up a big meal, as she always does every year. I have never understood the point of it but I never object to my favorite meals. Her potatoes and steak never came close to the way anyone else cooked it. Too bad I didn't have much of an appetite. I stayed in the basement with you the entire day. She called me a couple times but I just feel like being by myself. Anyone who makes an attempt to hang out with me is doing it because they have to, not because they want to. Mom would probably like best, if I ran away somewhere. 

I think I will stay down here for the rest of my life. 

September 12Th 

Dear Simon, 

        Not much happened today. I was forced to go to school so I just cut two classes and ate lunch behind the bleachers. It's funny how those stuck up cheerleaders are so in to themselves, they cant tell that there is a weird girl watching them. The field smells like rainbows and lip gloss on one side then sweaty jocks on the other. I stayed by the rainbows and lip gloss since the jock sent made me want to puke. I can see why girls drewl over them, most of the guys on the football team look decent. 

I used to know one of them personally. Trent Hensworth. We almost had a thing in junior high, before he started dressing and acting like a jerk. I guess he didn't know he would be too good for me. Plus in 7th grade, he had a mouth filled with braces and his hair was always greasy. His face was even filled with acne, but I never neglected him. I tried saying Hi to him in the hallway freshman year and he only averted his eyes. 

The feeling in my stomach came back. A kind of hopeless, depressing knot. It's been around a lot. I still remember Trent's number by heart. Only because I used to call him everyday. 

5-- 450 2030 

I could dial it with my eyes closed. 

Aside from the annoying crush I had on him, he was a good friend while things were normal. Up until high school we used to be losers together. It's just me now. 

I guess today was the best day of the week. If I stay hidden it shouldn't be so hard to live. 

September 13th 

Dear Simon,

Mom keeps bugging me to get a job, so I went by Uncle Mike's stupid amuesment park after school. He owns the whole place, it's kind of a dump but it's the closest fair around here. He calls it playland, it's been going for ten years straight now, and I cant say i'm not jealous at the money he's rolling in from it. I guess a job wont be such a bad idea. It's about forty minutes away from home, so  it's a good escape. I know kids from school don't go there often so things should be good there. Maybe I can meet a friend and start new. 

Uncle Mike said I can start this weekend. My shift starts at 7 am. I have to be there to clean up from the day before. The park opens at 10 am and closes at 9. I don't have to work that long, but I think I will. Just to get away from it all. Plus, it's an amuesment park. It has to be at least a little enjoyable. I think I am actually a little excited, Simon. I will be away from the house, I can make new friends, and I can make some money. I haven't seen anything bad about it yet. I'm getting paid eight dollars an hour and I get to operate the ferris wheel. Training starts tomorrow. 

I guess school was alright too. I had a pop quiz in trig class. I feel like I failed it, but I guess we will just wait and see tomorrow. I saw Dell in the halls and pretended not to notice him. I felt his eyes on me though. If he wanted to talk he would come up to me and say something, not stand there like an idiot. What he did really hurt. 

Amber and Rose laugh extra loud when i'm around. I know if I look at them they will feel important. Sometimes I wish I had a gun.