The Diary of a Teenage Psychopath #Completed

Chapter 21- Potential

September 10th

Dear Simon,

Lately I have been so uncomfortable, my stomach is poking out in front of me like a balloon and I've been so sleepy. Chester visits me on days when he needs to take me to the clinic and then on other days when he feels that I am bored. We've grown closer than I ever thought we would. He rubs my belly and soothes me until I fall asleep most days. He makes me food and checks on me, he's even slept over a few nights.

I bought him a card to say how much it all meant to me. He held it to his heart and pretended to blush.

"You didn't have to do all this." He jokes with a funny face.

I rub my belly not paying him any mind. "Well, I did...so."

He reads the kind words written inside and they must move him to an extent because he wears a calm smile that reaches his eyes. He sits beside me on the couch and pulls me close to him as we start another movie, the second one today.

Half way in the movie I begin to fall asleep. I wake up momentarily to soft kisses on my forehead. I can feel my cheeks push up as I sleepily grin. I fall back to sleep only shortly and jump out of it with the disruption of a nightmare.

On waking, I can't remember it and it makes it seem even more real. It's dark now. The clock reads 10:30 PM. Chester rubs my arm, up and down trying to calm me.

"It's alright, Hedy. Just another dream. It's okay." He says repeatedly.

I don't realize I'm crying until a tear hits the dress I'm wearing and darkens a small part of the fabric grey. I sniffle and wipe my eyes, still not able to remember the nightmare. I know it had something to do with my baby and just the thought of any harm coming to Simon got me worked up.

Chester leaves the couch and immediately, I get cold where his body once was. He returns with some tea a few minutes later and he turns on the lamp in the dark room.

"Thank you." I say nicely, but my brain takes over and I wonder with everything in me, what Chester owes me. Why i she here taking care of me when no one else will? Why had we gotten so close?

"What's wrong? You look...troubled." He asks. His voice is loud in such a quiet room, but still very comforting to my ears.

"Why are you here, Chester? Why are you taking care of me?" I stare into his eyes as his brain begins to process the questions. He looks concerned but then shy, like he was battling with something inside of him. Like he was hiding something from me. I could feel my heart speed up. Did someone put him up to this? Was it Jaime again? Or maybe Linc, trying to get the best revenge possible.

Chester finally speaks.

"I care about you, Hedy." He answers, looking deep into my eyes and holding his stare to see how I respond. But before I talk he begins speaking again.

"I've had a backseat watching them treat you like a play thing, like you aren't human. At first I wanted to help out, make sure the baby was going to be nice and healthy. Now I realize you need me and I'm here." He shrugs and his dark lips separate allowing a bright white smile.

The past few days I have felt myself begin to rely on him and that feeling alone has brought brand new nightmares, because soon, he will probably leave me too. I shake my head, hoping to rattle my thoughts and turn them into something new and positive but I am sure my face looks troubled. Chester stops smiling and puts his hands on my face, holding it in place with his.

"Stop." He says softly. He didn't say what I should stop and I wasn't doing anything. I guess he was talk to my brain. Stop thinking so much, stop worrying, stop panicking. Stop.

I nod once, bowing my head into his hold.

He kisses my forehead and his lips are moist and soft.

He kisses my eyes and I chuckle, his laugh follows.

He kisses my nose and I am quiet.

His hands pull my face up to his and I notice how close we are. So close I can feel his breath on my face. It mixes with mine. I watch his lips that are parted, enough to enclasp mine. He watches my lips and I part them in response, my heart accelerating, but my body still.

He moves in with patience, as if he knows how fragile I truly am these days and as his lips meet mine, I relax my face even more into his hands. The same hands that have been rubbing my belly and tucking me in.

The same hands that have been making me tea and starting up the shower.

His taste is sweet and his lips are cold compared to the warmth of the tea, still on my mouth.

He uses his bottom tongue to scan my bottom lip and then sucks it into his mouth, kissing me deeper. His hands move from my face and he pulls away.

I don't open my eyes when his lips or face leaves mine. I'm afraid that he won't really be there. Like another sick nightmare.

I hear him let out a light laugh.

I open my eyes, only to see his smile that I love.

"I've been wanting to do that for sometime now." He says. I touch my lips unable to talk.

He has? Since when?

He can read my mind because he responds.

"Since you started helping me prep for the SATs, even while the entire group cased you out. And you helped me without ever seeing any doubt that I could do as good as you said I could. That's more than anyone else in that group has done for me."

I look at him understanding but remain quiet.

"Are you going to talk to me?" He asks softly.

I break my silence.

"I can't be with you." I say blankly. Tears begin to develop at the tips of my eyes. It is silent for a few moments and as though I didn't just reject him, he comforts me.

I push his hand off and begin to sob. Unaware of where all these emotions came from, I sob until my face is beat red and hot.

"What's wrong with you, Chester? You just got into an Ivy League! You have freinds, you're handsome, you come from a family with money. Why would you ever want to weigh yourself down with me?" I scream at him.

"Look at me!" I'm so loud that my words make him blink.

"You're beautiful." He says softly.

"I'm pregnant!" I yell again. His static face breaks my heart and I want to hang myself for blowing up on the one person that has meant this much to me in months.

"I'm pregnant and it's not even your baby! It's your friends. Please..." My voice is barely audible and I cower into myself and begin sobbing again.

"You have so much potential. Please don't waste it on me."

"Wow." I hear him mumble softly.

I look at him and he is a blurry blob as the tears continue to leave me face.

"This is because I'm black, right?" He asks.

It is completely silent and then in unison we both burst out into gut-wrenching laughter.

I take a pillow and hit him multiple times in the head for making me laugh in such a heated moment.

"Ughh! I cannot stand you." I smile still with teary eyes.

He grabs my hands after he is finish dodging all my blows and his face is close to mine again as he looks me into my eyes.

"Fuck Lincoln and Scar." He is serious now.

"I can go to college and still be here to love you. I don't need you to tell me about my potential, I know what I can do and I want to be there for you so don't push me away." His voice is stern and his grip on me loosens.

"I've loved you for a long time, Hedy." His face is sincere. I reach in and kiss his forehead then his eyes and he smiles.

"Don't steal my moves." He mumbles with his eyes closed. I laugh and hold his face and kiss him deeply. For now, I allow myself happiness with Chester as well as my baby.