All Areas Accessed - Sequel to Access All Areas

Chapter Thirty One

"Hey, Mom...only me again!" I yell out as I warily close the front door behind me.

After making love and spending the rest of the afternoon all cuddled up with my girl, a nagging feeling about Maci started tugging on my relaxed thoughts. As content and as happy as I was, they just wouldn't go away. So for the second time today, I'm back at moms. As assured as I felt earlier on, that inner assurance about my sister seems to have evaporated more and more as the day has gone on.

I don't know why.

I can't even explain it. 

It's just a feeling I have. A feeling that won't go away. Which is why I am here again. I just needed to come back and check that Maci is okay.

"We didn't think we'd see you again today." Mom looks like she's been cooking, she's wearing a flowery apron and she's rubbing her hands lightly down it as she comes to greet me in the living room.

"Yeah, I was just passing, so thought I'd just quickly pop in." I casually lie. Mom doesn't need to know of my unfounded anxiety, not even Clara is aware of it yet. "Where's Maci?" Again, I keep things real casual.

"She was sat in the garden. I've just been preparing dinner." Mom smiles, oblivious to the real reason why I'm here. "I'm just about to make a coffee...do you want one?" She brightly asks.

Wanting to go and find my sister, I quickly say. "Yeah, that'll be great." As Mom goes one way, I go the other. Sure enough, Maci is sat in the garden, solemnly watching the sun starting to go down on the San Fernando Valley. "Hey." I quietly interrupt her with a small smile, taking one of the garden chairs beside her.

A little dazed, Maci weakly smiles. "Hey."

"You looked a million miles away, then." I tell her, looking out at the same golden sun that is slowly descending on the shadowed horizon.

Not looking at me, Maci's answer is ever so quiet. "Maybe because I am." There's a sad edge to her voice, barely there and well hidden behind a wistful stare.

Although Maci knows I am here, she doesn't seem to want to be dragged away from wherever her mind still silently wanders. I actually feel like I am intruding on her thoughts, that I'm nothing but an inconvenience to her sombre silence.

"We're lucky to live where we do, aren't we?" Looking out to the captivating views that impressively surround the garden, I try to bring Maci into a light conversation with me. She's probably sick of talking about her health, her addiction and her need to think of only the baby.

With a weak turn of her head, my sister's subdued stare falls on me. "Do you think I'll be a good mom?" She asks without any emotion or intonation.

Leaning forward in my chair, I look right into Maci's lacklustre green eyes. "If you want to be, I think you could be great."

She blinks a few times, processing my given answer. "I do want to be—" her voice soon trails off, back to wherever her mind had just been wandering only moments before.

Taking hold of Maci's hand, I try to show her more of the better brother that I've promised to be. "I'm not going to fill your head with bullshit, Mace, you've got a real tough journey ahead of you. There are going to be long days and even longer nights. There will be times that you'll just want to run right back to all that you know, because you're more afraid of all the things that you don't yet know. And that's okay. It's going to be normal to feel that way. And when you feel like that, when you feel like running away...you run to us." My fingers gently plead with her to listen, to hear every brotherly word that has passed my lips. I can't seem to shift the fear that my sister might run, so I'm praying that my words will reach her.