All Areas Accessed - Sequel to Access All Areas

Chapter Thirty Four

"How much money have you got on you?" Will asks, browsing through his own wallet.

Looking straight ahead, I brusquely say. "Enough." Sat beside my friend of many loyal years, Will is just trying to be organised. Where Maci is concerned, I have always needed hush or information money. All too many times, I've had to pay off her drug buddies; either to keep quiet or to sing like a canary. With Slam now doing all of the driving, I'm free to liaise with whoever I need to during the search for Maci.

"Jules and Cam will catch up with us in a bit, I've given them those leads that you're wanting followed up and the police have been made fully aware, too." Will shoots me a glance, wanting to know if I am paying any attention to him.

I am, I'm just not really in the mood for much talking. My mind is overcrowded; full to the brim of too many thoughts. I know that everyone is doing all that they can to find my sister—Don is out in his truck, searching all around Porter Ranch. Mom is making desperate phone calls and going through Maci's things; trying to find anything that might help to pin down where she has gone. Myself, Will and Slam are in downtown LA, scouring the streets and the numerous hangouts where Maci has previously been known to go. Jules and Cameron are looking into suppliers, dispensaries and doctors who are known to freely give out meds like they're sweets, before they meet us later on, and the cops are doing their bit, too—we are all just trying to save Maci from herself.

"Thanks." Eventually, I find something to actually say to Will.

"We'll find her." He says, wanting to throw some of his positive vibes in my direction.

Even Will realises that Maci being pregnant changes everything.

I've never gone searching for her in this way before. Never.

Usually, she's left to do her own druggie thing, until she eventually crawls back to our mother and ultimately ends up in a new rehab or on a new course of therapy.

But the baby, the baby changes everything.

The life inside of her is more important than the selfish needs of my sister. Only, I don't think Maci is thinking the same way that I and others are thinking. And I think I knew that yesterday. I was just too sickened to admit it to myself.

That was my mistake.

My denial. 

My stupidity.

The blame and the anger I feel about that, are now beginning to actually suffocate me from the inside out.

I should have told mom about my fears that Maci was about to run.

I should have told her.

Then maybe, she could have done more to stop Maci from running in the first place.

"This is all my fault, Will." Quietly, I free some of all that is inwardly beginning to choke me.

Will turns his head hard. "How is any of this your fault? This is Maci, remember? This is what she always does, Rhys. No matter how many lifelines you throw to your sister, she always fucks shit up." He waits, waiting to see my reaction to his candid and angry expulsion of words. When I don't, he decides to rein in his own frustrations just a little. "You're her brother. I get it, I do. When you found out she was pregnant, you knew that baby was going to need someone to fight its corner, because deep down, Rhys, you knew that Maci wasn't going to." Again, he wavers around on my silence before warily continuing. "Maci is an addict. Her being pregnant doesn't change that, bud. You know how this shit works...only Maci can want to help herself."