So I'm a Vampire... Now What? - Book 2 (Original Version)

Chapter 2.4 The Notorious B.O.B (part 4)

I had been mentally preparing for a drawn-out siege. It would be the siege to end all sieges, the stubborn meeting the stubbed, the "hell no, I'm not opening that door as long as those assholes were still out there," kind of siege.

I'd barely flopped down onto the couch when the door swung open slowly, and I realized that even though I had slammed the door, in the idiot move to end all idiot moves, I hadn't exactly bothered to lock it.

"You can't come in!" I yelled. "You're not invited!"

Stanley stepped through the door and smirked at me for my idiocy.

"Then I guess we're gonna be trespassing," Stanley said.

"Just once," I said darkly, "it would be cool if some of the old legends were true. Especially if it kept certain traitors from coming where they're not wanted or invited."

You know the legend, right? Vampires are traditionally not supposed to be able to enter places uninvited. It's why you have movies with titles like "Let Me In" or "Let the Right One In." Claude and I had talked about the impracticality of this traditional rule but had never formally tested it. Since I had pretty much kept on going wherever the hell I wanted, we kind of figured out it was one of those rules we could file under "stupid shit." It was probably one of those made-up rules created just to give people a sense of safety from being terrorized by the neighbourhood vampire. Apparently, my ex-friends felt the same way about the rule. Stanley definitely did, and it showed on his face.

From the look of him, you'd think Stanley was a bit of a gym-rat. He had the kind of muscles that you can only get from spending too much time with a set of barbells and a mirror. They were sculpted in the way that you don't get from actual physical labour. Every time I'd asked Stanley about his workout routine, he'd just shrugged and said that he had just "been born that way," which in turn always lead to me trying to get Lady Gaga out of my head for the rest of the day. He'd admitted he sometimes sang that song at Karaoke, just for kicks. Some things you just can't tell by looking at people, right? Stanley probably got in a little practice at work, since he worked night security at a tech firm and was mostly on his own the whole night. This was even before he had become a vampire, so he had adjusted to his new life remarkably well. His role in our group was as the de facto tough guy, and he had a tendency to be extremely mercenary, insisting that he didn't get paid to do nothing for nothing, and screw your double negatives.

He glowered at me, trying to give me the impression that he was barely holding back from punching me out. Benjamin pushed past him, assuming his role as the voice of reason.

"Shut the fuck up Bob," Benjamin said and instantly blushed. He really didn't swear very much, and it showed. "We have an apology to make, and you're going to listen to it."

So much for the voice of reason. This kind of approach was definitely out of character for Benjamin. He had been instantly given the role of the "shy one" of the group. Every group has to have one, just to balance out the potential damage from the tough guy, or in Benjamin's, to stop any fights before they got started. He was a skinny Jewish looking guy, horn-rimmed glasses that he didn't need anymore but wore out of habit since he had been wearing glasses all his life. He'd admitted that he had even gotten the prescription lenses changed to plain glass and that he liked wearing glasses. He thought they made him look smarter or something, which was useful for his job as a programmer. They gave him authority when some idiot boss dared to tell him how to do his job, or when someone was being obnoxious and didn't want to listen to him and his traitor friends.

"Fuck you, Benjy," I said and forcefully raised one middle finger. "Fuck you, Stanley." My other middle finger joined its buddy, and I pretended to look shocked. "Shit: I'm out of middle fingers, so fuck all y' all and get the fuck out."