So I'm a Vampire... Now What? - Book 2 (Original Version)

Chapter 6.2 Seducing the Vampire

Sammy all but slammed into the shelf next to me, and she was all suspicion. We were finishing up stocking the store for the grand re-opening, and we were the last ones still there, the rest of the new staff having left an hour ago. We hadn't had a chance to chat all evening after Beatrice had dropped me off and she was finally seizing the opportunity.

"Did you fuck somebody?" She asked. "Or is it 'fucking' somebody?"

I did that awkward smile where you try not to break into a goofy grin and failed utterly. I gave up and went with it, and of course, outright denial.

"What makes you think I'm fucking somebody?"

"You're humming."

"Humming? I don't hum!"

"I know, right? You never hum. It's totally out of character for you."

I was lying directly to Sammy's face, and we both knew it. I had been humming "Bitter Sweet Symphony" all evening. The song was stuck in my head, possibly because I was feeling a little like a badass. There was absolutely no way that I was going to admit that though, especially to Sammy.

"I definitely wasn't humming," I insisted. "That's a slippery slope. After humming comes flitting then frolicking, and then before you know it, you're dancing in the rain—"

"Oh, you were definitely flitting!"

"Fuck that! I'm incapable of flitting. Or humming. And there will not, repeat, not be any dancing in the rain."

Sammy looked sweetly at me and grinned evilly.

"That had to be some damn good sex from the way you're flitting around the place. That kind of flitting is only brought on by laying some serious pipe all night long if you know what I mean, and you do know what I mean."

I broke.

"Okay, fine. There is a girl, a woman actually—"

Sammy whooped and ran up and down the aisle like she had scored a touchdown. "HA! I knew it! I knew it! Bob got laid!"

"Why is this such a big deal anyway? It's not like I've not been getting laid. I've not exactly been celibate for the past year."

Sammy stopped and waggled her head, pure attitude.

"Oh, really now. This girl is different, isn't she?"

I flashed on a memory of kissing Beatrice deeply and almost smiled. I shifted uncomfortably, but Sammy had seen my mouth twitch and had all of the evidence she needed.

"You may have been getting laid, but you've never flitted before." Sammy grinned. "So gimme the deets. What's her name? Where did you do it? On the bed? On the couch? In the kitchen? In a pouch?"

I smiled at the memory, ignoring Sammy's bad Dr. Seuss impersonation. I wondered what Sammy would say if I told her the many ways Beatrice and I had made sure the church could never be consecrated again.

Something occurred to Sammy. "Wait: Is this why you were suddenly 'sick' last night? You were off banging this chick? You total dickbag!" She whacked me on the shoulder with her clipboard, good and hard.

"Are you going to fire me again? I mean yesterday was technically my day off—"

"Whatever. It was just grunt work anyway, nothing the new guys couldn't handle. I would have appreciated your company, though." She looked sat me appraisingly. "So you gonna tell me her name?"

"Nope!" I said and chose that moment to attempt an escape. "Hey look at that, the final box looks like we're done here!"

Sammy chased me back to the counter, still sulking about my lack of forthcoming.

"I will make you tell me," she threatened. "Take your time, get all the new relationship sex over with— wait a minute: Isn't your cousin staying with you now? You'd better not be putting her out."

I felt a flare of guilt, thinking about Ronnie. She had left me a series of text messages that I had finally got around to reading on my brand new (Product) Red iPhone. Oscar had come by to replace the door and had left a bill for me to pay, oh, and exactly when was I coming home anyway? She had been worried since the last time she had seen me, it had been with the agents. The following messages had been more worried, but then she said she had gotten hold of Claude and was going to stay with him until I got back. I had finally texted her back, so Claude didn't worry too much and didn't even think about breaking his vow to not rescue my ass.

Besides, Beatrice and I had not made it back to my place. After the church, we had taken an Uber to get some food at the Thompson Diner, but then things had gotten hot and heavy, and Beatrice had booked us a room at the hotel. It had been a miracle that we had made it off the elevator with our clothes still on. Going back to my place had not even been an option, and once the sun came up, it made for an epic day of sex. We just couldn't get enough of each other.

I could still smell her on my fingers...

"Nah, Ronnie is hanging out with Claude for a couple of days. He's going to show her around. See the tower. Do the tourist thing."

I actually had no idea what Claude had planned for Ronnie, but that scenario sounded likely enough.

"Well, that's good. Last thing she needs is you having this chick, fake screaming and banging down the walls all night long. My old roommate used to do that shit all the time. When I pointed out that I never did that, you know what she said?"

"That everybody knows Asian girls don't have loud sex?"

"Fuck you for thinking it, and yes, that's exactly what she said."

"So you got some guy over for loud sex?"

Sammy blushed and looked pissed off.

"I tried. I mean I really tried to just to go all the way and vocalize, really get into it, but all I could think of was how much like a pornstar I sounded. It just didn't work."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Well we're friends, right? Me and my girlfriends talk about sex and shit all the time. I want you to feel safe with me, you know? You have someone who you can talk to."

I stared at Sammy, and she just batted her eyelashes at me.

"You want all the details about last night, don't you?"

"Every single dirty detail."

I held up my phone and grabbed my bag from the counter. "And with that, I'm going to pretend to get an urgent text, and I'm going to walk away, giving us an excuse to pretend that this conversation never happened. Oh look, it's an urgent text—"

Sammy flipped me off as I exited. I popped back in after a second.

"You need me to stick around until you lock up?"

"You go ahead," she said, "but this isn't over!"

I exited laughing.