So I'm a Vampire... Now What? - Book 2 (Original Version)

Chapter 5.3 - Moving On pt3

I was squeezed between two very large vampires for the entire ride downtown. They wore black suits, dark sunglasses and no discernible expression on their faces, so they had very much a whole letter agency vibe going on. I decided to call them the BFB (Big Fucking Bastards) just for kicks, then spent the rest of the ride making up different Acronyms. Bastards From Bimini. Bad Francophone Bums. Betsy's Friendly Bitches. You know: friendly, humorous stuff like that. I was cracking myself up.

The black Land Rover tore across town with relative ease. Cristian rode shotgun and barely glanced back at me.

"This has got to be the worst Uber ever," I quipped and wished that I didn't sound so nervous. "Anybody got gum?"

Stony silence from the two oversized vampires blocking me from diving out of the moving vehicle.

I was surprised when Cristian reached back with a stick of foil-wrapped gum that smelled suspiciously like Juicy Fruit.

"If I had a choice, we wouldn't even be taking you in, but we're kind of sticklers for protocol. No summary executions without all the facts."

There was something startling about that statement, namely the part that sounds like "execution" and rhymes with "execution". I shifted uncomfortably.

"You don't even know all the facts."

"All I need to know is that you did it."

"Goddamit, you are a cop!" A thought occurred to me. "You know, Vampire Cop would be an excellent title for a terrible movie."

"I'd watch it," rumbled one of my stone-faced guardians. We all turned to look at him, and he shrugged in much the same way continents crashed into each other and formed brand new mountain ranges. "Hell, I think I want to write it."

I was more than a little skeptical about this. "The story of four vampire cops caught up in a system beyond their control? Something like that?"

"I was thinking more of a buddy cop movie."

"You could really raise the 'stakes' with that, right?" I said, mugging badly about my overly obvious pun. The other stone-faced vampire cop's lips trembled as he tried not to smile.

Cristian rolled his eyes. "I'm invoking the code of silence for the rest of this ride. If you gentlemen can make it as uncomfortable for our friend here without actually beating him up, I would really appreciate it."

The two men went back to resting stone-face but the space in the back of the car suddenly felt much smaller as if I was being squeezed from both sides. I glared at the two men went back to making up bad names for them in my head, desperately trying hard not to think about where they were taking me.