Deer Luhan, With Love

31

Chapter 31 – In Which I Accidentally Cause a Public Power Outage and Stampede in the Mall

Deer Luhan,

Whoops.

Leigh

If D.O. had been in the dorm, then I could guarantee there would have been absolutely no chance of Tao carrying out Lay’s challenge to see whether or not he needed new clothes.  On the other hand, apparently being knee-deep in designer brands from hallway to kitchen sink to cupboard behind the toilet’s water cistern (Lay and Kris firmly locked their bedroom doors, and with good reason) was a good thing, because it allowed Tao time to carry out his annual wardrobe purge with meticulous perfection.  And the rest of EXO-M got a lot of very, very fashionable castoffs.

“I don’t think I can cope with this,” I muttered to Xiumin as I perched precariously on the back of the sofa in lotus position, attempting to meditate my mind to some form of peace.  “I thought I liked clothes, but I genuinely can’t do this.”

He patted my shoulder reassuringly.  “It’s only for a few days.  And Tao’ll let you have your pick out of all the stuff he doesn’t want.”

“A few days?”  The mere prospect made me feel dizzy.  “Xiumin, my mum complains about the size of my floordrobe, but this… this….”  I just gestured at the garments all around me.  What made it worse was that they weren’t even strewn around messily.  “Is his closet the Tardis or has he done an Inkheart on Hermione Granger and got her to charm it with that weird spell she put on her bag in the last Harry Potter book?  Where does he keep all these?”

Xiumin caught me before my frustrated gestures could tip me off the sofa.

“It’s a mystery I don’t think we’re ever going to find out.  But relax, Kris usually decides it’s a good idea to get out of the dorm around now.”

Bang on bull’s eye, Kris waded out of the kitchen.  “Lay, Tao, we’re going out!  Can there be a path to get to the important places by the time we’re back, please?”

“Sure!” Tao’s voice called back from somewhere in the bathroom.  “Return next year!”

Lay deigned to pop his head around the door.

“Isn’t that a little optimistic, Kris?  We’re going to have to pile things up in one of the important rooms to do that.  Would you prefer not to eat or not to go to the toilet for the next couple of days?”

Kris shrugged uneasily.  “I can only guarantee keeping the manager out of here for an evening.  He’s going to lynch us if he sees this.”

There was a rustle of clothing from beside him and a heap of garments surged out of the sea of raiment all around, clutching an iPod in one hand and two Tom Clancy games in the other.

“Oh, good,” said Chen.  “Is it time to get out of the Devil’s Prada Armageddon?”

Kris paused to pluck a pair of Calvin Klein boxers off Chen’s left ear.  “It’s The Devil Wears Prada and I think you’ll actually find most of it’s Armani and Gucci.”

“Great film,” I put in.

“Dolce and Gabbana!” Tao yelled from the bathroom.  “Gucci was last year!”

Kris rolled his eyes.  “Of course.  I forgot.  How could I?”  He looked around and then brushed a leopard-print bra off Chen’s hips.  “Tao, why do you have a— actually, I don’t want to know.”  He surveyed the mess again.  “Well, I don’t know about anybody else, but I am going to need a lot of alcohol in my system before I’m prepared to come back here.”