Deer Luhan, With Love

7

Chapter 7 – In Which Double-Forked [Lightning] Disaster Strikes

Deer Luhan,

I wish you were on the receiving end of the lame puns and bad jokes.  Especially since the mess you’ve stuck me in is a bad joke.

On the upside, at least everybody except Kai, Sehun and D.O. will be calling you Really and demanding high fives in really creepy voices when you get back.  Enjoy!  It’s Karma’s aperitif.

Leigh

Sehun and D.O. wouldn’t let the puns on my name drop, so I tried to avoid them as much as possible.  Unfortunately, the others began to pick up on it, even though they had no idea what the joke was about (they just knew it really pissed me off and thought it was funny to torment me).

“You sound like Borat,” Kris told Chanyeol after the latter had cornered me in the living room with a creepy “hi, Five!”, holding his hand up for a high five.

“Really?” Chanyeol demanded in English, though it was directed more at me than Kris.  I huffed and shoved him away.

“Yeah,” said Kris, evading skilfully as I sent Chanyeol staggering back into him.  “Have you all been watching the movie or something?  Your imitation’s the best.  You’ve got the voice down.”

“What even is Borat?” Baekhyun asked, leaning around to the side so that he could see his Playstation character clearly as the force of my shove concluded in Chanyeol plopping down into Baekhyun’s lap.

“My love!” Chanyeol exclaimed melodramatically, flinging his arms around Baekhyun’s neck and nearly choking him.

“Happy Virus, get off!” Baekhyun wheezed, flailing.  His onscreen character dived into lava.  “You’re perverting my cause for happiness!”

Chanyeol cooed and kissed him on the cheek.  Baekhyun yelled in horror.

“You guys do know that virus is Latin for poison, right?” I couldn’t help blurting out as Baekhyun threw aside his controller and tried to wrestle Chanyeol away, but Chanyeol held his ground, grinning impishly and pretending to suck his thumb like an oversized baby.

Baekhyun paused and all three of the guys looked up at me.

“Ree Lee?” Chanyeol couldn’t resist.

“Huh, suits you,” Baekhyun grunted.

“Baekhyun, you’re really grumpy today,” Kris observed.  “I’m going to have to put your face on the grumpy cat meme.”

“Tell Chanyeol to get off my lap!”

“Don’t wanna!” Chanyeol whined in baby talk.

“Chanyeol, seriously, I don’t want another HunHan to start up but between the two of us.”

Kris snapped his fingers like he’d just got the best idea ever.  “BaekYeol!”

“Oh my God, no.”

“Chanyeol, poison me, please.  You’re a virus – you can do this.  As my best friend, you’re required to do this.”

Kris smirked and waved his phone at them.  “Prepare for dastardly NC-17 fanfics!”

I had to fight to keep my grin under control.  “Kris, you’re a legend,” I told him as I passed.

“No problem, Five.”

I smacked him on the back of the head.

Kai and D.O. had somehow managed to get hold of a chest compressor that fit me.  I wasn’t sure where, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask where, either.  But it had meant that for the past week, I hadn’t been in danger of fainting every time I went to exercise or dance.  It did make singing a little awkward, though, because I felt like I couldn’t fill my lungs properly, but D.O. assured me it wouldn’t be a problem as I’d have a microphone and the volume I was producing could always be matched to how loudly the others were singing electronically.