Deer Luhan, With Love

32

Chapter 32 – In Which I Go for a Night Time Run in Beijing

Deer Luhan,

I think I might have ruined your reputation again, but this time in public rather than just among the EXO members.  On the other hand, at least people might start calling you a koala instead of a deer.

Leigh

I was a target for the security guards the instant I set foot on the ground floor of the mall.  To be honest, I was a little surprised they’d taken so long to get mobilised, but then again, I guess finding your gear in pitch black when none of your walkie-talkies are working probably isn’t that easy.  Particularly when you then also had to find the battery-powered torches.

Barely had I navigated my way off an unmoving escalator in the pitch black onto what I was hoping was street level when there was a low snarl and I was bowled over by what I discovered a few moments later from the torch beams was a long-haired, impeccably well-groomed white shih tzu.  Then there were footsteps and shouts, more barks and more dogs, a slobbery tongue licking my face, and a blindingly bright LED light hit my eyes and leeched everything out of my vision.  Dazed, winded and covered with drool, I let out a yelp and averted my head to the side.  A hand gripped my wrist and I heard a voice telling a dog to sit in Chinese.

There was a thump as a deadweight plonked its butt on my knees, and that was enough to make me flip.

The last time I’d switched into anti-mugger mode – which I think was at Incheon airport way back at the beginning of this whole debacle – I hadn’t had the opportunity to lash out properly, which, given I’d been posing as Luhan at the time, had probably been a good thing.  Now, though, it was dark and there were at least three dogs sitting on me and a minimum of two bodyguards shining torches in my face and slinging about words like “thief” and “police”, and I also hadn’t got my promised dose of Martin Freeman.  Granted, it was totally my fault, but I was still pissed.  And because it was dark, they didn’t know who I was – or rather, who I looked like – which meant I had free reign to go ape, so I did.

God only knows how I managed to get the dogs off me, and it probably doesn’t say much for my moral compass that I actually felt worse brushing them off than I did breaking one of the torches over one security guard’s head and flipping the other guy over my shoulder in about the only judo manoeuvre I was still sure I could accurately execute before snatching the remaining torch off the ground and bolting for what I hoped was a doorway.

Typically, it was of the automatic type, so I had to use the second torch to shatter the glass in order to get out, and that just attracted more attention.  By the time I came to my senses half a street later, five hulking security guards from the mall, two shih tzus with so much hair I couldn’t tell if they were moving forwards or backwards, a traffic warden, a stray pigeon, three kids with ice cream, two curious taxi drivers (one reversing down the street) and about fifty screaming fangirls were on my tail.  I dived for the nearest subway, losing the ice cream kids and the taxi drivers in exchange for a bewildered busker and a very drunk hobo who tried to kiss me, and pelted through the underground passages in an effort to lose everybody else.

Just how did I end up in this situation?

I had to deploy my elbows when I abruptly came up against a crowd, the shih tzus snapping at my heels, and suddenly found myself faced with ticket barriers.  Thankfully, Luhan’s transportation smartcard was in my trouser pocket as we’d taken the bus on the way down, so I swiped it hurriedly and rushed on through.