[ this story is so fun to write omg ]
december 19th, 2011
ages; 17
i held my mum's hand the entire time.
for my seventeenth birthday all i wanted was a nose piercing and a puppy, and my mum said no to the puppy. but she told me to wait two months and if i still wanted a nose piercing, then so be it.
technically, i didn't need her there with me because i was over sixteen, but ashton was away for vacation, calum and michael were busy doing something, luke was asleep, jada was grounded, and i really needed moral support. so while i got a hole punctured into my nostril, i clutched onto mummy's hand nervously. yeah, i know.
in the end i had an amazing black nose hoop and i was super happy.
ashton would be back tomorrow and i couldn't wait to show him. he texted me and said he had some news for me, too. so in the mean time i just read a bit and painted my nails and was ultimately bored out of my mind.
. . .
as soon as ashton came back he came over to my house and when he saw me his eyes widened. "holy shit, you look hot," he said, and i blushed, jumping out of bed to hug him. "maels, i didn't want to text you this because the news was too big."
i grabbed his elbows and shook him. "come on then, tell me!"
he couldn't stop smiling, so it had to be big, and i reciprocated the smile. "we got signed," was all he said and i screamed, and then he screamed, and then my mum came in and i told her and she screamed. we were all screaming and my dad came in, and i told him, and he rolled his eyes and walked away.
"that's so amazing!" i cried. "oh, my god. you guys are gonna' be huge." he beamed and i pulled him in for a hug. mum left to give us privacy. "don't forget me when you're big, okay?" he nodded, smiling, peppering me with kisses all around.
we spent all night talking and sitting on my bed as i played with his hair. he sang me to sleep after i practically begged him to and i dreamt of attending 5sos' first concert, front row.
ashton cuddled me and was extra sweet that night, and told me he loved me a thousand and one times. i fell asleep with my head on his chest.
august 20th, 2011
ages; 17
i woke up the next morning.
alone.
i asked my mum where ashton was and she said she hadn't seen him. after i got dressed i headed to his house and knocked on the door. ms. irwin answered and smiled at me, i smiled back.
"where's ash?" i asked. it was a bit windy outside today when normally it'd be sunny and warm.
i watched a frown spread across her face and i felt my stomach begin to turn. "he just left," she said and my eyebrows furrowed. "he told you right?"
i nodded as i kicked the sidewalk. "he told me they got signed."
ms. irwin's face fell completely. "sweetheart, come inside," she said and i cocked my head to the side. "we have to talk."
and i went inside. and we talked. and i ended up crying. because ashton left me without a single word to go on tour with 5 seconds of summer. and i found myself leaving the irwin residence to go home and cry myself to sleep because my everything... was gone.
he didn't even say bye.
. . .
the next year or so was the same for me.
i would wake up. i would get dressed, do my morning routine. i would go to school and not speak to anybody. i would go home. and repeat.
to be honest, i was clinically depressed. i know, i know. you're thinking i'm overreacting and i needed to get over him. but i couldn't. i was so devoted to ashton fletcher irwin and all my heart beat was him, and my brain replayed our times together. in the end it was almost like self-harm, torturing myself with the memories with someone who didn't give a lick of love to me anymore.
he hadn't tried to contact me. 5sos got big, and fast. they were the talk of the school, and mostly everyone would ask me about them because i was so close to them. calum kept in touch with jada. and they were still in a long distance relationship.
i got no phone calls, no texts. nothing.
when the boys came home to visit their families, he stayed with luke, and i'd imagine to avoid me. i found myself wading in the used to be's and not looking at the now's. not that i wanted to because, well, the now's sucked ass.
ashton had a girlfriend and her name was annabelle and she was absolutely everything that i wasn't. long, shiny blonde hair, with a sweet smile, with her teeth the color of the moon. with curves everywhere they should be and boobs and an ass. i fucking hated her.
and i fucking hated myself.
