[ okay so in the chapter where maely called annabelle a slut, i just have to say i'm sorry if i offended you. maely called annabelle a slut because she was triggered by her seething hatred for ashton at the time, plus she's only 18. also, her name is pronounced may-lee :-) ]
december 9th, 2013
ages; 19
it was a week later and luke and i were, well, dating again. the entire time they were in sydney, luke spent it with me.
they had a bunch of shows in america and then they came home december 23rd for the holidays. i'd finally have a christmas without tears. my past few winter breaks were emotional because ashton and i always had little traditions during christmas time - like, we would always sneak over to each other's houses and put the presents we got for each other under the tree. most of the time i had no idea when he came.
the pictures of luke and i at the pool kind of exploded and he got yelled at by their manager, but he seemed to like me, so he didn't break us up or anything. just told us to be quiet and don't pull shit like that again.
so it was finally time for luke to leave - we were currently on my couch watching the end credits, pretending like we wouldn't really have to part ways - and i was going to miss how warm he was and how soft his lips were and how he'd wake me up. liz had some hard feelings because i kind of stole her son for his entire break, but i didn't even feel bad.
luke got a text from their manager red and he looked at me with a puppy dog face. "i don't want to leave my maelman," he pouted.
"not my lukey-poo!" i laughed. we stood up and went out to his car. "aha, luke, you're sixteen."
"quit making fun of me for that!" he whined and i watched him lean against the driver's door. i grinned and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. "hey, this just means you're gonna' die sooner, ms. eighteen-year-old."
i pulled away and stuck my tongue out at him, only for him to stick his own in my mouth and catch my lips between his. "bye bye," he mumbled and i giggled, pulling away.
"bye bye?" i teased and he nodded, kissing me one last time before sliding into his car and closing the door, rolling down the window. "love you, luke."
"i love you, more, maely."
and i couldn't deny that.
december 18th, 2013
ages; 18
i was fast asleep at 5:29am when i was jolted from my sleep by my phone ringing.
my eyes adjusted to the light of the crack of dawn from the window. i licked my lips and felt around my bed for my phone, guess i forgot to plug it in. it ended up being between behind my bed and i had to reach down to get it. jesus.
it was an unknown number, but i answered anyway because i was somewhat of a dumbass at half five in the morning. "hello?" i spoke, rubbing my eyes.
"maely, i- i don't know what i'm doing. i just got so drunk and the boys- i don't know where they are and i just- i'm so scared. my heart is aching so bad and i don't know what to do."
what the fuck was ashton irwin doing calling me drunk at five thirty am?
i sat up, running my fingers through my hair, wiggling my toes under the blanket. "what's going on?"
"i'm having, like, a panic attack? i don't know i just can't breathe and my body hurts and the lights are so bright. help me, help me, help me-"
"ashton," i blurted sliding out bed. "turn the lights off and lay down." i could hear movement on the other and a muffled excuse me. i started pacing around my room, my phone to my ear.
he started mumbling and i asked him to speak up. "i'm at a stupid nightclub and luke told me not to come- i- i should've listened," he breathed, sounding like he was crying. "i can't- i can't-" i listened as he let out a loud wail and winced. "what do i do? i don't know what to do-"
"ash, please," i said quietly, wanting to almost cry because he sounded so scared. "i need you to listen to me, okay?" he mumbled an mhm and i continued. "you need to leave the bar, alright. do you have any money?"
"i do."
i played with the string on my sweatpants. "i need you to leave the bar and find a cab, get in it, and go to your cab," i said slowly and listened as suddenly loud thumping music filled her ear. ashton was apparently walking through the club and to the exit hopefully. "i, um- are you okay?"
he breathed. "i'm okay," he said and i almost didn't hear him because of the background noise. then it went almost silent. "i'm outside and there's a line of cabs out here, i'll just get in one-"
"ashton! ashton!"
i frowned as i heard the familiar squeal of girls and he gasped under his breath. "i can't-" he hiccuped before i heard him start to cry again. "please, just leave me alone." the girls kept screaming his name and i assumed he would keep flipping out.
my heart sunk further. "ashton, go to a cab, honey. ignore them," i said quickly and he said okay before i was once again in silence. "are you there? ashton?"
"-reef hotel," i heard, then, "i'm in a taxi on the way. i still feel sick, maely. it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest and i'm having trouble catching my breath. please, help, what do i do-" he sobbed into the receiver and i held my forehead, sitting on my bed again. "i should've listened."
i tucked my legs under me. "it's okay," i hummed and started soothingly saying shh as he kept muttering the same things over and over.
"i love you," he blurted out and my heart completely stopped. "i love you more than i love myself. i've been hating myself more and more since i left and i'm tempted to relapse, maely, i can't-" i was crying now. "when i get back to sydney, can i hug you? i want to be the first to hug you and i want things to be okay. you don't have to love me anymore but i want to be friends."
god, how could he put me in such a position? i brushed my hair out of my forehead. "i guess," i whispered and he went silent. he was still on the line but we sat in silence as he made his way to the hotel. i still didn't say a word as the cab screeched to a stop and i heard ashton get out and pay the man, then he went up the elevator to his room. finally when he was in his room and he'd changed into his boxers and nothing else (he announced that he was changing and he had to put the phone down), he spoke.
"thank you," he whispered and i laid down on my own bed, though i'm not sleepy. "you could have ignored this, but you didn't. so just thank you."
it was silent again and i took this time to think about what just happened. he was having a panic attack in the bathroom of a busy club and he called me to help, then i agreed to hug him first when they come back from america. just when i was sure he was asleep and i was drooping off as well, i heard him speak.
"promise?"
i knew what he meant and i didn't think twice when i nodded my head. "promise."
