[ WAIT SO SUDDEN CURVEBALL THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER ]
december 27th, 2013
ages; 19
my eyes met his and i swallowed, not exactly sure how to reply. i mean, yeah, of course i did. he was the first love of my life, and if there was anything in the world i wanted most, it was for things to work out between the two of us.
and while he was my first love, he was also my best friend. i wanted things to not be so awkward any more. i wanted to sit in silence and not have to uncomfortably stare at each other until one of us looks away with a sigh. i wanted to do lame dance moves in the driver's seat while he laughed at me from the passenger's. i wanted to do spontaneous little hugs and have pretty one-sided wrestling matches on the living room floor. i wanted my best friend back.
but, yeah, i also wanted those little surprise kisses. the ones where you turn your head and then a pair of lips comes crashing down onto yours. i wanted him to hold me tighter than anyone else could while we slept together in my bed after he snuck out and came to mine. i wanted him to tell me he loves me and that he'd never leave me again. i wanted achingly for us to just be us. i wanted ashton irwin to be my boyfriend again.
but it wasn't like it could happen. there were a few dampers on the situation. for instance, he was one forth of the most popular australian band, who were slowly taking over the world. how in the hell would we have cute little moments like the ones listed when he was across two oceans and surrounded by screaming girls who'd sacrifice their cat for a kiss. all i was saying was that ashton and i wouldn't -- scratch that -- couldn't be together.
but my stupid cartoon beating heart eyes got in the way and i nodded spastically, a little smile on my face.
ashton's face just lit up like a firework and he sat up straighter. since the treehouse was so small, he leaned forward and he was close to me. i sat up, too, leaning closer. "can i kiss you?" he asked, his voice so tiny and i searched his hazel eyes for any sort of remorse. nothing. so i said it.
"yes."
that one word, that one teensy word, was all it took. three little letters that held so much power. he moved his head closer to mine and our lips brushed each other, before he complied and went all the way. our lips moved slowly together until his tongue was between my lips and things heated up quickly, to the point where we were eventually smushed up in the treehouse having what you'd consider a makeout session.
it was funny. we were in such a juvenile place, under such juvenile circumstances, doing such a grownup thing. it scared me a bit, too, like what was i doing? i was nineteen, yes, but i felt like i was moving at the quickest pace.
what even was love? under the google definition, it was an intense feeling of deep affection. that seemed accurate enough. ashton was the highlight of my life, my ultimate sunshine, if you will. i definitely loved him. did he even love me back? did you do something so virulent like what he did to me to someone you love? do you break down all their walls and haphazardly send all their warning signals and flashing lights to the deep end when you're in love? i didn't do that to ashton, did i?
maybe i did, when i dated luke.
why does everyone hurt the ones they love? it was like a natural instinct. like, maybe since we love each other, the effects won't be so bad in the end. but they are. worse, even. may you cheat or leave or break or hurt or crush or hit or anything bad to your love, no matter what happens, you both end up getting burned.
ashton pulled away. "what's wrong?"
i didn't realize i was crying until he reached up to push the tears away. i forced a laugh. "i guess i'm just a little overwhelmed," i mumbled, which was true to a tee. "can we just go back inside and sleep?"
he seemed hesitant, and i know he saw that there was something wrong. but he nodded anyway and helped me out of the treehouse. i wiped at my eyes desperately and let out a deep exhale, looking at him from the corner of my eye. his hair was a mess from my fingers, his marvel muscle tee just a little off center. i watched him swipe his tongue across his lips, his eyelashes fan over his cheekbones when he blinked. ashton fletcher irwin was so beautiful.
our relationship hit a lot of bumps, i now realize, but in the end it worked out. i fell in love with ashton the way a rollercoaster slides on the tracks; dangerously and out of control and with lots of loop-de-loops, but at the end of the ride we got off feeling the best we had in a while. the constant rush and swirls in our stomachs, a feeling we could never forget. there were times i wanted to let my hands drop the grip they had on the handle, there were times that i wanted to scream and cry out, there were times where i wanted to puke.
but i guess that was what ashton irwin did to me.
