The Boys Scent ✔️

VIII - My Secret

"Well, hello there Janessa. I thought I heard your voice." His voice was raspy, different from when I had last saw him. His light brown hair was slicked back with piles of hair gel, and his brown eyes weren't as warming as they used to be. His smirk was violent, as if he couldn't wait to run my blood through his fingers.

"What are you doing here, Darius?" I spat, venom practically dripping from my mouth.

"I heard you found your mate, then the poor thing turned you down. Good thing. He doesn't have to deal with a pathetic use of a wolf you are." I felt weak suddenly, and my mind went straight to conclusions. Samuels here. But then I realized, he was making me like this.

"Don't try to make me feel pathetic, Darius. If anything, you are the pathetic one here. Coming to see me just to tell me I'm pathetic. Go ahead. But I know I'm not pathetic, I stood up to my mate, and my erasthai. I'm both stronger than you, and-" I was cut off by someone else I didn't want to see.

"Stop, Janessa." He spoke easily.

"Nathaniel. You can't tell me what to-" he cut me off again.

"Stop. Talking." He spat, glaring at me. I just growled, but listened to what he had to say. "Who are you?" He asked Darius. "And what is your relation to her."

"My name is Darius Ebony. I come from a long line of alpha wolves, and Janessa here, used to be my girlfriend. I killed my mate to be with her. Then she up and left one day, without a trace." Darius glared at me.

He was right. Although I had wanted to be with him then, I had realized something about myself, and had refused to see anyone outside my main family. I shut myself up in my room for a whole year. I needed to keep my secret safe. I couldn't tell anyone. No matter what the cost.

"Is that true, Janessa?" Nathaniel asked, snapping me from my thoughts. I silently nodded my head. Then Caspian walked out from the girls bathroom.

"Well, this is awkward." He announced. Everyone shifted uncomfortably. Seeing him come from the girls bathroom, was definitely something they would take wrongly.

"It isn't what it seems like. None of it is." I said, glancing at Caspian.

"What do you mean 'none of it is'?" Nathaniel asked with a scowl directed at Caspian.

"What I mean is that, for one, me and Caspian are not a thing. Second, me leaving Darius, it just... isn't what you may think it is. That's all I can say, I'm sorry." I said, staring at my feet. I felt awful. I felt like I wasn't myself anymore.

"How is that all you can say?" Darius asked, taking a small step towards me.

I can't tell them. I swore to myself that I wouldn't tell anyone.

"It just... is. Don't question it." I said, a tear slipping out of my eye. I looked up to Nathaniel and his eyes held pity for his erasthai, but pain for his acquaintance.

"Janessa." They all whispered as if they had regretted the pain they had caused me. Even Caspian.

"Don't." I whispered back, stepping away from the small circle we had formed in the hallway. "Please don't. I've already messed up so much, there's nothing you can do anymore. I just get hurt more." I finished, then turned and ran down the silent hallway.

I push people away. That's what I do best. I wish I didn't. I wish they knew that they could easily break through the wall I built around myself. It's just so easy to break that I get hurt so easily. And I try to stay strong, prove it doesn't have any effect. But it does. It really does. That's why my wall is so weak. Because I'm weak. I don't get stronger. I'm not like the others. I never was. Never.

As I ran away from them, I remembered the times I had with Darius. He made me so happy, he made me confident. Until he found his mate, then he killed her for me. She was so pretty. I remembered her face as I lied awake, hearing her screams, laying next to Darius in bed. As if nothing had happened. As if he did that everyday. Killing people, I mean.

I guess the guilt made him mad, ruthless so he became angry with me. He took out his guilt on me, hitting me, afflicting both physical and emotional pain. I can't forget her face, her screams, the way she pleaded for her life. And I definitely can't forget her name.

Tasha.

It haunts me. Her name, sewn into my brain. Her screams, plastered in my ears. And the pain he caused me, bruises casually bringing themselves to the surface of my skin.

And Nathaniel, he made me choose. He haunts my dreams. His cracked voice. Then there was Kaydon, I had given up my erasthai for that selfish lowlife alpha. I chose my mate over my erasthai.

Lastly, there was Caspian who he afflicted the least amount of pain. Although he hadn't been able to pull Samuel from his trance, which I didn't blame him for, he still casted me glares in the hallway when Kaydon rejected me.

Suddenly I realized something.

It was all my fault.