Wanderer

42 - Kassandra, Estel, and Formalities

***Kassandra at far right; external link for full (better) view***

Alaytar

I must be in a dream. I must. The elf who hasn't left my side since I arrived must only be a phantom, a character in this elaborate night fantasy that doesn't seem to end.

I'm walking at night, before it's too dark to actually be dangerous, with Kassandra pressed up against my shoulder. My arm is around her, and we aren't talking. After the shock and disbelief wore off, none of us wants to be the one to bring up the question of why Kassandra left in the first place.

The gardens thin, and we cross a small bridge to leave the borders of Kassandra's villa. The grounds slope gently upwards, the long grasses whispering against our feet. At the top of the long hill, the meadow strettches out before us; a carpet of dark, rustling silk marred only by silver flowers.

"It's gorgeous here."

Kassandra sighs softly. "It is.  Sometimes I marvel that it took me so long to see it past the pain."

"Was it fresh, then, when you first arrived?" I take her hands.

"Yes, when I first came." She so vulnerable, now that I see her at last. The protective part of me, long accustomed to only having to care for Jade, flames into existence. I hold Kassandra close, her dark head just under my chin. Softly, I bring my fingers to her hair, lightly stroking the fine strands. The starlight is bright on it.

"I missed you." Kassandra lifts her head to stare into my eyes. "Horribly. I would wake up and reach for you and you wouldn't be there, and then I would be so confused by sleep that I would call out for you. That's when I missed you the most - in the ordinary moments: at breakfast, at night, whenever anything I did resembled something we did together. I would cry sometimes, when it hurt too much. "

"Believe me, I know what's it's like."

"Then you know. They wanted me to forget. At first, I did, too. But then Estel came along and...I wanted to remember his father, Alaytar."

"What?" What did she just say? What is she implying?

"That's why I left." Kassandra sounds sad. "I didn't have the strength to go on."

"Estel?"

"Your son." Kassandra murmurs.

"So you knew when you left. You knew."

"Alaytar, I'm sorry. If you had known I was pregnant, then you wouldn't have let me leave, and Alaytar, I needed to go."

I'm reeling in shock. No. That was almost sixteen years ago that Kassandra walked out on me. Jade was little more than a baby, having just turned two.

And yet, somehow, it makes sense. 

"Can I see him?" 

"He's yours, too, you know. If you wish."

"If you're implying that I wouldn't want to see my own son, then you're sadly mistaken."

"Good." Kassandra smiles. "I'm so glad."

She takes me by the hand and leads me up the hill towards the banquet that's going on. I blink in the sudden light, and remain as Kassandra enters the ring of candlight and bends to speak with a seated male elf with shoulder-length hair. A queer look crosses his face, and he nods, pushing his chair back, standing.

They both return to me.

"Alaytar, Estel," Kassandra says.

I look at Estel for the first time.

"Atar." Father. Just that.

"Estel." I bow to him. "Can you forgive me?"

"Atar, there's nothing to forgive. I'm just thrilled to be meeting you...at last."

He's stiff, formal, clearly (thankfully) happy to see me, but unsure what to do about it. He seems older than his sixteen years, his eyes sharp and brilliantly blue, his hair shoulder length, fine, and black. I get the sense that he's immensely strong in spirit.

"She told me so much about you." Estel says in an undertone. "That you were kind, gentle, brilliant. That you did not fail even when we all did. She also told me that I had a sister."

"An older sister." Obviously. "Her name's Jade. Actually, it's Andunie-Rana, but I just call her Jade, on account of her eyes..."

Estel smiles. "Is she here, then?"

"No." I drop my eyes. "She didn't want to leave. She's going to be married, you see. " I swear. Kassandra used to tell me that she found it hard to take me seriously when I uttered expletives, on account of my soft accent. "I can't even keep us together now."

"I would have stayed." Estel says. He shoots me a look. I don't blame you. "I'm not resentful to you, mother, but I didn't choose this."

"Estelion!" A female elf, no older than Estel, waves from an empty seat at the table. 

"One mintue, Lalaith." Estel sends me a sheepish look. "I'm sorry. I probably should go."

"That's all right. You have permission to be heartbreaker.You're my son." I smile at Estel.

Estel bows and smiles simultaneously."I'm so happy to meet you. We'll talk again...Father." We shake hands.

"Go on, Estel."

With a last shy smile, Estel takes his leave.

"He's so formal!" I note as we head back to the villa. Kassandra smiles playfully. "Just like someone I know."

"Formal?" I question. Kassandra sees it coming and darts to the side. I twist in pursuit and slide my arms around her; one underneath her knees and one behind her back, and pick her up. "Formal?" I repeat, pulling her into me.

"I take it back." Kassandra murmurs. 

I dip my head and kiss her. 

"Eru, I've missed that." Kassandra whispers.

"You have no idea."

Another kiss ensues.

"Don't ever leave me."

But this time, it's not me who pleads.