"I love you too, Ponyboy Michael Curtis." | The Outsiders Story

5

It's been five days without Pony and Johnny, and I'm a wreck. I haven't been able to focus on anything, everything as fallen out of interest. I lay in bed after school with Ponyboy's sweatshirt coiled up against my face. It still had the faintest scent of him, as I probably smelled it all the way through. Then I thought about Soda; he asked me to dinner last night, and I'd have to leave in ten minutes. I contemplate if I should go, laying here with the idea of Ponyboy seems perfect. But, I decided to get up and get dressed for the Curtis'.

I put on a new blouse I bought and I pair of blue jeans. I grabbed my shoes and coat and walked out the door, the cold air hitting me like a pile of bricks. It's gotten a bunch colder in the past few days; I wonder if Pony's feeling it.

I walk right in the Curtis house when I got there. I look up to see the whole gang, besides Pony and Johnny of course, sitting in the living room. I also found out Darry was at work again tonight.

"Hey Sarah." Two-Bit says. His eyes don't move up from the screen. I roll my eyes, obviously over his enthusiasm. I move to the couch and sit down. I feel uncomfortable, not enjoying anything funny spat by the boys. Everything just seems gray and sad. 

"Dinner's ready!" Soda tells to the boys in the living room. He peaks out when he says this, catches my eye and winks at me. I faintly smile as the boys rush to get Soda's delicious food.

I am the last to grab a plate, so I get the scraps. 'It's okay though,' I thought to myself, 'It's not like I'm gonna eat.' I haven't eaten in almost a week.

I look around the table to find the open chair; it was next to Soda and Dally. I set my plate down while the boys are stuffing their faces. I suddenly lose any hope of choking down the food while watching them. 'Pigs' I thought nastily.

"How ya holdin' up?" Soda leans in and says. I look at his faint smile while chewing his food.

"Fine." I say flatly.

"I don't know if you noticed, but I made your favorite." He points out. I didn't notice he made my favorite meal; it was roast beef with mashed potatoes. I loved mashed potatoes almost as much as anything in the world.

"Thanks Soda." I gratefully whisper. I still don't pick up a fork though; the thought of food really doesn't sit well with me.

Suddenly, I felt the urge to throw up, so I ran from the table. I saw the boy's eyes follow me as I gag all the way to the toilet. I make it there in time, but it's only liquid. I read somewhere that, for my size, thicker foods can take as much as four days to digest.

Soda gave me that article. Some foods may even be longer. Soda came in after I finished gagging. "Oh Sarah." He says looking at the toilet. He gives a confused look. "Why is there no food?"

I look up at him in defeat. He now knows I haven't been eating; and I know he's gonna call me out on it. "When's the last time you ate?"

I sigh and decide not to lie to him. I flatly say, "It's been six days."

He looks like he doesn't know what to say next. He then calmly says. "Lift up your shirt."

I protest, then he says more sternly. "Lift up your shirt."

I sigh, not having the energy to fight him. I lift up my blouse, showing him my now very visible rib cage. I've always been a very scarce eater, as I never know when I'm gonna have food, but it's never been this bad. "Oh my gosh." He says, looking like he can't say anything else.

I quickly breath in again, my bad habit of holding my breath shows again.

I know I have a habit of not eating. It's been there my whole life; it started when I wasn't being fed by my parents. I guess I just was taught that I should withdraw food with punishment, or with sadness and anger.

"Look I know it's bad." I say, shoving my shirt down immediately.

"Bad?" He scoffs. "You think that is bad? I am worried now Sar." He almost yells.  "I mean, should I not?"

"No Soda. Don't worry about me." I reply quietly. 

"Then who will?"

-

Later, the gang is all hanging out in the living room. We gather around their coffee table, playing a mean game of Go Fish!

"Got any 2's?" Steve asks Dally.

"Go Fish." He replies grimly.

"Hey Dally," I say and put my cards face down on the table. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He springs up off the ground and follows me to Pony and Soda's room. I shut the door and start to talk to him.

"So, I see the police are no longer after the boys." I point out. I few days ago, the police came down to the Curtis house to ask Darry a few questions. Somehow they thought they were going to Texas, and Two-Bit wanted to look for them. We had to calm him down and tell him that the boy's aren't worth it; but I don't feel that way at all.

"Yeah." He agrees.

"So..." I say, hinting.

"So...?" He replies.

"Take me with you." I reply bluntly.

"No." He says back.

"Why?" I whine.

"Because I can't have another person in this crazy mess."

"He's my boyfriend."

"And Pony's Soda and Darry's brother but I didn't go along tellin' them now did I?"

"Dallas Winston, I swear to god if you don't take me..." I say in a serious tone. I feel anger coursing through my veins. It's faint, but it's there.

He sighs and makes a quick decision. "Okay jeez crazy." He says. "You can come. I'll pick you up tomorrow mornin' at 11."

"Sounds good." I say. I can't help but put a smile on my face. I can't wait to see Pony.

We walk out of Soda and Pony's room and sit down to finish the game. "Got an 8?" I ask Soda, pretending like nothing happened.

-

At the end of the night, I was the last one to leave the Curtis house. Darry had came home but barely said two words before going to bed. I'm worried that he's working himself too hard.

I was about to leave when Sodapop stopped me. "Sarah?"

"What's up?" I ask.

"I heard you talkin' with Dally 'fore. You know where Pony is?"

I froze. "Umm..."

He sees the panic in my face. "It's okay if you don't tell me, but can you at least give this to him?" He hands me a tan slip of paper, folding in fours.

"Of course." I reply. I smile at him and kiss him on the cheek. "Bye." I call back.

-

I was up all night. I couldn't sleep, not when I was this excited. I looked over to my clock, it was 1 am. I yawned, not noticing how tired I was over how excited I was. I lay down on my bed, thinking sleep is a good idea before tomorrow. I want to look my best when I see him again. I can't help but smile as I fall asleep.