Well Hello and Byeeeee

Chapter 19

Ricky's POV:

At this moment I wish we had never uploaded our first video... If we weren't youtubers I wouldn't have to break the news of Connor's death to the whole fucking world. But... They have supported us for so long, they deserve to know and learn it from us. Tyler and Troye followed me up the stairs towards our rooms. I have yet learned why Troye is covered in deep bruises and it just seems pointless right now, there are more important things to do.

I go into my room and just sit on the bed... I am the type of person who always has something to say, but because of this stunning, brown haired youtuber I have lost the ability to form words. Slow agonizing minutes tick bye and I just remain sitting on the bed, until I hear someone knock on my door.

"Come in," I say and the door opens to reveal Tyler, who has changed into a simple white t-shirt. He shuts the door behinds him and I pat the spot beside me on the bed, signaling him to sit down. Tyler then sits down and stares at his toes.

"You came in here for a reason, just tell me. I think I can handle it."

"I-I just was making sure we were... okay? I understand if you hate me, I hate myself. I'm just hoping you can forgive me, because it kills me every second that ticks by thinking that I killed one of my best friends and that there is nothing I can do to save him... I wish that I would've died instead of him."

"Please don't say that Tyler and why would I hate you? I hate myself for letting him leave by himself, I should've went with him."

"Ricky. None of this is your fault, you were a perfect best friend and Connor talked about you nonstop," I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I felt Tyler wrap me up into a hug. I was so gratefully for Tyler being there at that moment, because he was caring and allowed me to cry on his shoulder. When I finally let go of him and looked at his face to see tears running down his face, too.

"I guess I need to go change again..." Tyler said after looking at his shirt. He gets up and leaves me to change. I can't help it, I walk through the bathroom Connor and I use to share into his room. It is dirty everywhere, but the spot behind him when he filmed. I slightly laughed, because for being a perfectionist he didn't care about his room. I grab the first clean-looking shirt I find and throw it on, after taking my other t-shirt off. I check my hair in the bathroom and head down stairs where the others are probably waiting. Kian and Sam already have the camera and stuff set up and are sitting on the back of the coach with Zoe and Alfie. Tyler, Troye, and Trevor are sitting in front of them and I sit between Trevor and Troye, putting me in front of Kian.

"So... How are we going to do this?" Sam asks the group.

"Well, if you prefer not to talk then just tell us now. We understand if just want to be silent support," Trevor says with compassion and glances at all of us.

"We prefer not to talk, I mean we knew and loved Connor, but all of you were closer to him... So we can just be silent supporters, if that is okay?" Zoe says for herself and Alfie.

"That is perfectly fine, anyone else?" Trevor asks.

"I don't know if I can choke out any words that can be understood or make sense to the watchers, to be honest..." JC says softly.

"I'm kinda with JC..." Sam says.

"It's okay you don't have to talk, to be honest I prefer not to, because I don't know what to say." Trevor says.

"Ricky are you okay with talking?" Kian asks me.

"I want to be the one that tells them..."

"Are you sure?" Troye asks me, questioning whether or not I could handle telling what happened to the fans, because I could barely say his name.