September 16,
We broke up.
It actually happened.
I am no longer Zayn Malik's girlfriend and Zayn malik is no longer my boyfriend.
It's so weird thinking it, writing it. Not to mention it hurts like hell. I feel like my heart has been personally ripped out of my chest and put through a shredding machine. I feel like there's nothing left of my heart.
It all started when today I was sitting on our-- his bed writing in my journal and I was writing about us.
I didn't like what I was writing so I ripped out the pages. I thought that ripping them out meant that what I wrote, wasn't happening. But that wasn't the case.
I started crying. With what was going on in our relationship, I wouldn't have a soul if I didn't cry. It just felt like Zayn and I were so distant from each other and it hurt to think back to the day where we were laughing over video games and he was getting jealous over my brother. How did everything change? And so quickly too?
Anyways, Zayn walked in and saw me crying. He of course came over to me and held me in his arms. He was holding me so tight, I could literally feel all of his love.
That just made me cry even more.
But I didn't do anything to stop crying because once I stopped, once he wasn't holding me that tight anymore, it would be over for good. So I just latched onto him. I was holding him just as tight as he was holding me. I never wanted the moment to end.
We both knew it was coming, though. Neither of us wanted it, but it was going to happen sooner or later.
God knows how long we laid there, in each other's arms. But once we finally detached ourselves, I was instantly cold again. All because I knew what was coming.
"So." He said
"So." I said back.
Neither of us could meet each other's eyes. It was just too painful.
"We both know where this is going." His hands were fidgeting.
"Yeah, we do." Mine were shaking.
"We both know why." His voice cracked.
"Yeah, we do." Mine was choppy.
We were both silent.
"You're not going to say anything?" He asked.
"I'm not sure there's much left to say." Even though I wasn't looking at him, I knew he nodded his head a bit.
"Maybe you could stay? Just for one more night?" Even though I knew he was just trying to stall my leaving, one more night was all I really wanted too.
So I stayed. Neither of us got any sleep. We didn't want to miss some of the last moments we'd have with each other.
God, I can continue this. Writing about it hurts too much.
Today was the day, I lost Zayn Malik.
To anyone who asked, yes, that was a tear falling from Zayn's eye. It was fully expected though. He had lost the love of his life and had to relive it through reading it from her point of view. That is what one could consider more than just painful.
He turned the page hoping there would be something after the entry but there was nothing absolutely nothing. But there had to be more. There had to be something more.
But there wasn't.
Wishing he could get the memory out of his head by doing so, Zayn tossed the journal away from him.
Once his eyes drifted back to the journal, he noticed something fell out of it.
The picked up the folded piece of paper and opened it up.
October 2,
Dear Zayn,
I didn't think a journal would completely work, so I needed to write to you this time.
