ASL// PHAN

19

"Dan?"

I looked up and all I could see was white. It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the blinding light, and when they finally did the first thing I saw was Phil. Tears came to my eyes as I realized that I really could hear his beautiful voice.

"Phil" I said. I heard my own voice which jumped me a little bit. But that wasn't important. Phil was here, Phil would keep me safe. I had Phil and that's all I needed, I could live without my hearing, my sight, everything, as long as Phil was here.

"Dan, you can hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah I can hear you, what's going on?" I was whispering because I was still new to the whole speech thing. Even though I have been through speech therapy, nothing could compare you to this. I also had a pounding headache.

 The doctor walked in before anyone could tell me what was going on. 

"Hey! Look who woke up! How are you feeling?" He asked as if I was never deaf. Well I suppose I never was according to him. "He can hear me right?" He asked directed towards Phil.

"Yes I can hear you" I replied in a smart ass sort of tone. "Although I still dont understand how" my speech wasn't great but it wasn't awful, considering the situation. I however still was whispering. Everything was so loud to me, my head was pounding and I was so fucking confused. Still nobody has told me what the hell is going on. 

"Alright then" the doctor said, sounding slightly annoyed. "Your friend here told me you were deaf. We still don't understand how you aren't anymore and I was wondering if you would let us do a few tests in order to..."

"Absolutely not. I'm not having some unnecessary tests, I can hear now, that should be enough"

"Well that's your decision Mr. Howell, I will have to respect that. I think we are going to keep you for another couple days to make sure your alright, and within a week at most, you'll be free to go." The doctor was nice, patient. I probably wouldn't have lashed out at him like that if my head didn't fucking hurt so bad.

"Dan, are you ok?" Phil asked very softly once the doctor left the room. 

"Sorry, I just... god my head is killing me" I said still in a whisper.

"I understand, it will probably take some time to adjust"

"I'm so sorry Phil." I said starting to cry. I couldn't help myself. We bonded over sign language all this time, and now we don't need that anymore. What if he doesn't need me. 

"Hey hey hey, what are you crying for, your ok, you can hear now" Phil tried comforting me, leaning in and giving me a hug at an awkward angle while leaving soft, light kisses on my neck, not enough to do anything. I kept crying and it was difficult to actually understand anything, but it didn't really matter.

"Dan, if you think I'm going to leave you because you can hear now, your wrong. I will always love you, no matter what. Nothing is ever going to change that. I missed you so much" Phil said looking at me in the eyes, and then leaning back over to hug me again when he was finished talking. 

"I love you so much Phil" I said. It felt good to say, it was like the only thing that actually felt slightly natural right now.

"It feels good to hear you say that Dan, I love you too. So, so much" 

"Come here" I said as I had Phil lay on my hospital bed so that we could at least lay down together. I hated it in this fucking hospital, I felt like so much was keeping us apart, both literally and figuratively. I want to go back home, I want Phil all to myself. I wrapped my arm around his neck loosely, as he rested his head on my shoulder. Phil was watching TV and I was holding his hand, staring at the engagement band, while spinning it around on his finger. This is the life I had been hoping for. This is what I have always wanted and now it is right in front of me. I just have to get home and everything will be perfect.