Kiss of Death- Dave Mustaine Fanfiction

Don't Get Any Big Ideas

Don't get any big ideas
They're not gonna happen
You paint yourself white
And fill up with noise
There'll be something missing
And now that you found it
It's gone
Now you feel it you don't
You've gone off the rails - Radiohead

"Augsburg your lines came out choppy yet again! From the top!" My vocal and acting coach yelled at me once more.

It's been few weeks since we moved to LA. I was juggling this and a day job, while you were out looking for a band to play with. It was hard having a free moment just between the two of us. Any sort of silence and free time was practical if not completely vanquished from our daily schedule. It was always get up, make breakfast, shower, get dressed and take the bus to work. Maybe if I was lucky a time or two I would be able to do the laundry, listen to a Budgie or Judas Priest album, or just sit back and fiddle with my violin.But other than those rarities such a luxury never occurred.

It was pushing around 1:30 in the morning now. I'm just running on coffee and loose nicotine cigarettes at this point. It was affecting my acting and vocals at this point. What the hell. The coach told us to take a break, but insisted on me coming with her and ended up pulling me to the side isolated and away from the others.

"What is wrong with you?" She asked gruffly.

My eyes perked up with interest and confusion. "Excuse me?" I pondered.

"You heard me. What are you doing? You're acting is as bland and stale and a burnt piece of toast. A corpse would have more animation than you do."

I looked down towards my feet. The blush on my face becoming redder and redder as embarrassment flooded my body.

"Look at me when I am talking to you Pamina." Her tone only getting stricter and harsher by the second which only, in turn, made me quake in my boots. "Where is the passion in your voice when you are acting? Why are your motions so frigid and stiff when you move? You act like some sort of emotionless robot when you try to emote."

I began to pick at my nails as she continued. The harshness of her voice made me feel ashamed of myself for my lackluster performance. Even though this was only practice I felt nothing but a deep sense of inadequacy for not living up to this woman's expectations of me.

"Don't get any big ideas. They are not going to happen. You want to be a movie star or something? Get better at you expressions and maybe you'll prove yourself as anything besides worthless."

I wanted, no I needed to be like her. She was the definition of perfection and fierceness when it came to her acting ability. Her ability to project her emotions onto her audience seemed to drag anyone into her performance. I wanted to learn from her. I didn't want to be a waitress forever, or worse yet a white-collar worker. Such a life seemed boring and depressing. I got out of that life back in La Mesa for a reason. I sure as hell wasn't going to go back to it after I escaped. I needed to prove her wrong. I needed to prove myself wrong.

Classes were about to end for the night and I was about to pack up and leave before my instructor gently but still a bit forcefully grabbed me by my shoulder. "Do it for yourself Pamina. You can't make everyone proud. You have to get better on your own. A book isn't going to tell you how to get better."

I nodded towards her than hastily packed up to leave. I rushed out of the class to try and catch the bus. It was the last only one that ran this late at night. As I jumped on I quickly found my way to the back of the bus and quickly began to doze off, exhausted from my day. As much as I hated to admit it she was right. How was I ever going to be a proper actress if I couldn't even properly sustain a scene without looking drab or boring especially in comparison to my fellow actors?

As I began to sleep I fell into this illusion like state of being as it felt like I was the backseat driver of this woman. I stood behind her hidden in the shadowy daze around me as she was walking up on the stage to receive an award. However, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't catch her face. It was like it was cropped out of my view. She stood confident and tall as black revealing satin dress hugged her curves firmly. Her black hair was tied up in a firm. but the still stylish bun and her stature held nothing and gave off nothing but grace and smoothness that seemed impossible for a living human to possess.

Just as I suddenly felt the urge to move and began to move towards her I was suddenly stopped in my tracks as yelling invaded my ears.

"Lady, this is the last stop of the night! Get out before I kick you out." He stated this in a slurred and annoyed tone. I stretched and made my way off the bus and into our apartment complex. When I made my way inside I expected you to be sound asleep. But to my surprise, I found you still up and not at all drowsy. You had your hair pulled back into a low hanging ponytail and had your reading glasses on as you kept flipping through the newspaper while the dimmed light from the nightstand illuminated your face and outlined your body lying on the dingy and unkept bed.

I made my way towards your form not really paying attention as you set down the newspaper and held my body in place against yours. You pulled me closer towards you and planted a soft yet lazy kiss on top of my head.

"Any luck today, Dave?" I craned my neck to look up towards you.

"None, you?" You replied rather exasperatedly.

"Nope."

For the rest of the night, we sat alone on the bed in silence as the pitter patter from the rain kept falling down. The street lights were still ongoing and the loud sounds and noises of Los Angeles never seemed to stop for even a second. As the noises filled my head I knew there was something missing, and I couldn't find it. It's gone. I'll go off the rails trying to find it. However, I feel like I'll never be able to obtain it.