Kiss of Death- Dave Mustaine Fanfiction

Sacred Mutual Mission

Our love was my womb
But our bond has broken
My shield is gone
My protection is taken
I am one wound
My pulsating body
Suffering being My heart is enormous lake
Black with potion
I am blind
Drowning in this ocean My soul torn apart
My spirit is broken
Into the fabric of all
He is woven You fear my limitless emotions
I am bored of your apocalyptic obsessions
Did I love you too much
Devotion bent me broken
So I rebelled
Destroyed the iconI did it for love, I honored my feelings
You betrayed your own heart
Corrupted that organ Family was always our sacred mutual mission
Which you abandoned - Björk

Being on set for the first few months of Kill Bill was amazing. Of course I still did work around the house and cared for my children, but it felt like I had my life back. My body was back in shape and I was back doing all those stunts that I loved doing in the 80s and 90s. I was over the top again and just going insane. Not like drug and alcohol insane, but  I could really and truly be myself again. I got to be around some old friends of mine from within the industry and had fun while doing it. Sure, the paparazzi were still a pain in the ass, but at this point I had matured a lot since back in the day so it hardly affected me.

My kids and I were happy, and I had managed to take the kids over to see you once in a while. While, we weren't technically or officially divorced we sure did act like it. I think you were giving up on the fact that I still loved you. You were finally noticing that I didn't really care about being around you or you in general. However, for some reason despite our actions towards each other you'd never sign those divorce papers. Whether it was a hit to your ego or you just didn't want to let go yet I would not know, but one thing was certain. I wasn't going to have you sign this forms over your dead body.

A few weeks into 2002 I had decided to take off my wedding band. While, it'll always hold a special place in my heart since it came from you I decided to let go. That chapter in my life was behind me and so were you. To me that was my final step in healing, acceptance. Despite the fact that I had both literally and physically moved on from you I still subconsciously refused to let go in some ways. My wedding ring was proof of that. I figured I had to let that go if I wanted to let you go. It would only serve as a reminder that I was still in some twisted way in love with you. While, back then I was it wasn't out of attraction, lust, or love. I loved you for being the father of my children; it wasn't for your character. Now, that I look back on it your character may have been what drove me towards you, but you were anything but the innocent partner in this story. You never truly were.

However, as my life was going perfectly it became rather blatantly clear that yours was slowly but surely going down hill drastically. It was the lawsuits, the alcoholism, past, drug use, lack of pride and passion, and medical issues that plagued your life in the early 2000s. While, even to this day you prefer not to speak on it I vividly remember when I got a call from you in January of 2002. Those were truly hard times for you. 

You may have had a kidney stone that had to pass, however, that would never compare to your then revamped drug use. It wasn't just alcoholism anymore it was the hard drugs that you and I both sworn off from doing, heroin and cocaine. I couldn't believe you were going back to that of all things. You have seen your friends nearly overdose, I almost overdosed, you almost overdosed a multitude of times. Yet, even after being put into several different rehabilitation centers multiple times you still crawled back to it. You were a slave to these drugs, and it was beating you down like a dog. It was strange to see the once prideful, boastful, and egotistical Dave Mustaine be reduced to this. You looked so weak and so pitiful in that state. Not only mentally, but physically you looked completely wrecked. Of course I would never openly admit this to you, at least as harshly as I am not, but seeing like this broke me inside. I may have not ever expressed it outwardly, but it pained me to see you like this. After all you were my husband and you are still the father of my children. I can't have my kids grow up without and dad. You and I have both sworn off from doing that. We promised to never end up like our parents, yet in some twisted demented way we were turning out to be exactly like them.

How was I suppose to explain to our children that their father is on drugs? Daddy is hurting himself. Daddy is trying to hurt mommy by doing this, and mommy doesn't know what to do. Daddy is being really mean to mommy lately and now he doesn't want to see anyone anymore.

I remember when I first got the call from you. You had travelled down to a rehabilitation center in Texas without anyone's knowledge and checked yourself in. While, on the phone I noticed how weak and fragile you sounded. Yet, despite all of this you refused to shed tears. Even though you sounded like you were on the verge of doing so the minuscule of self respect that you still had for yourself buried deeply within you allowed you to hold back. You didn't want to see me while down there either. You didn't even want to see the kids. This was humiliation and embarrassment for you in it's most potent and purest form. To you this was just as bad, if not than being kicked out of Metallica. However, I had to accept that this was an old wound that I could not help or fix. This was your own scar, and your own monster eating away from inside of you, and you had to defeat it yourself.

Our love, protection, and shield were all ripped away from me and scorched like the earth beneath us. My soul and spirit when it came to your revelation was torn apart piece by piece leaving me alone and drowning. I am bored of your apocalyptic obsessions, and yet still you have me left wondering, 'Did I love you too much?' My devotion for you left me bent and broken. While, I still did honor  you and your feelings you still betrayed our hearts leaving them poisoned and thin and dried from natural blood and love. To me you had nothing more to give. You have corrupted what was always deemed sacred to me; my family. That was always our sacred mutual mission, and you abandoned it.