Kiss of Death- Dave Mustaine Fanfiction

In My Darkest Hour

In my hour of need,
Ha, no, you're not there
And though I reached out for you,
Wouldn't lend a handThrough the darkest hour,
Your grace did not shine on me
Feels so cold, very cold,
No one cares for meDid you ever think I get lonely?
Did you ever think that I needed love?
Did you ever think, stop thinking
You're the only one that I'm thinking of? You'll never know how hard I tried
To find my space and satisfy you too - Megadeth

Two yeas have passed since your last album, 'Peace Sells... But Who's Buying?'. It was a hit and you couldn't be happier. However, around that time it couldn't have been worse for you. On the news while touring on night news came out that Cliff Burton had died in a vehicular accident while touring with Metallica in Sweden. I remember when the news broke out it hit you like a ton of bricks. Don't get me wrong you always held contempt and this sort of hatred for them for kicking you out of the band, but it was never to the extent that you ever wished or wanted them to die. It was tragic for you. One of your brothers just died far away from you. You didn't even really get to say goodbye. What made it worse was that you weren't invited to the funeral or reception. To you Metallica was just essentially leaving you down and out. It was as if you didn't have the chance to grieve. You knew Cliff Burton too. Hell, you were once a vital part of Metallica, yet here you were being excluded and being barred from mourning the loss of your friend with the rest of them.

This infuriated you. It made you feel like a black sheep among the flock of all white ones. You were outcasted and shunned from going to the funeral. This stung and hurt even more when bands like Anthrax, Slayer, and Exodus got to weep for him yet you, your band, Megadeth wasn't even offered the chance to. However, instead of weeping and crying you instead turned to more  narcotics. Sure at one point we got you to go to rehab, but let's be honest. You weren't dedicated to getting sober, you didn't want to, you didn't see the reason to get sober. You and I both knew you were just going to the rehab facility to stop my bickering and complaining. Once you left, however, you were right back on your feet. You were still on drugs sure, but you were entirely and totally dedicated to releasing a new album. The previous on lit a flame that continuously swelled up and grew. With this in mind you knew for certain that you had to release another album as soon as possible. You couldn't let interest in you die down. You worked so hard for this. You weren't going to let it slip away now. Plus, in a sense this was how you mourned the death of Cliff. You refused to cry or even openly talk about it. Writing music was the only way for you openly and freely talk about how Cliff's death affected you without seeming 'weak' or being ashamed for your fragility at the time.

All of the songs on their were amazing. You were being critically applauded and had so much backing and support behind you that it just fanned the flames even more for you. However, out of all the songs that were on the album only one stood out from the entire track list. In My Darkest Hour was an album solely dedicated to Cliff's passing. This was your chance to mourn. This was how you moved past his sudden and unexpected death. The lyrics were grim and dark and weren't like any of your previous work in all honesty. Even the riffs sounded much more harsher and angrier, but they were also sensitive and rather heartbreaking.

I remember when you were writing this song. You hadn't had any sleep for the past week. Every time I would come back from auditioning you were always awake. You were pumped up one nothing but straight black coffee and a sense of rage and anger that desperately needed to be released.

"Dave..." I called out being as quiet as a mouse.

You didn't respond being entirely focused on your guitar and the lyrics you had written in front of you. 

Worried I began to inch over to you trying to as quietly as possible to wake you up from the trance you have been stuck in for several days on end. I came up from behind you and gently put my hands around your broad shoulders as I delicately laid my  head against your back. You flinched in response to the sudden warm touch against your cold barren skin. You let out a sigh realizing that it was only me. However, once I stated that I love you you began to softly whimper out. It was almost unnoticeable.  You were breaking down on the inside you and I both knew that to be so, despite how much you wanted to hide it. You the gently dropped you guitar next to your feet and turned to face me. Your red curly hair was matted down, your eyes were red and had dark circles underneath them. A few small tears fell from within your eyes and began to stream down your face. You pulled my small body close to your own and pressed your head against my shoulder as I rubbed your back and softly cooed into your ear.

"Pamina." You uttered out softly.

"What is it, Dave?" I responded still concerned.

"Will it get better?" You questioned sickly.

I lifted your head with my small fingers so your eyes could meet my own.  My own blue eyes gazed into your own hazel ones. I placed a delicate kiss upon your lips and held your face in my hands as I slowly pulled away from your form.

"Of course. It always does." I stated sincerely.

You then grabbed my full force and began to sob into my chest. 

"I love you, Pam."

"I love you too, Dave."

As you weeped into my chest I couldn't help but think about how much I was yearning to be held by you. Here you were consumed by pain, alone, lost, and stricken by grief. However, it was always in my best interest to keep you content and happy. You'll never know how hard I tried to find my space and satisfy you too. I always reached out for you but before you wouldn't lend your hand. Yet, Through the darkest hour, your grace did not shine on me. Did you ever think, stop thinking you're the only one that I'm thinking of? Probably not back then, but I'll always come through. Even in your darkest hour.