Kiss of Death- Dave Mustaine Fanfiction

If Only You Never Wanted to Understand

Everything is perfect
Everything is sick, and that's it
You can't tell me to stop it
You can't tell me not to quit
And that's it
Revolve around yourself
It's you and no-one else
Hard for me to stay
Swinging moods that change
From calmness to deranged
Unpredictable, unpredictable
You would see if
Only
You hadn't taken things out of my hands
Only
You never wanted to understand - Anthrax

"Do you love me, Davey?" I questioned in a midwestern country belle accent. My voice and intent was innocent, but my eyes, full red cherry lips, promiscuous clothes, and posture were nothing, but sin and sexual promiscuity. You looked up at me with your darkened hazel eyes and held your arms out in front of you. You briefly laughed. "Come here, baby. Why don't you give me some sugar?" You called out huskily in your raspy morning voice.

I strutted over towards you broad form lying on the bed and began to slide my silk bathrobe off from around my shoulders and abandoning it on the cold wooden floor below me; leaving me completely nude and unrestricted from your advances. I slid my tall black heels off and began to settle down firmly onto of you with my hips locking you firmly into place. I bit my lips in shyness and anticipation as you only smirked back at me in return.

You placed you hands on my waist  as I was now firmly positioned on top of you. I on the other hand cleared my view of you by jerking my neck back which effectively moved my jet back hair behind my shoulders. As you gazed up at me my blood red nails traveled down from your sternum to your navel. Once, there I stopped, leaned over and firmly placed my dark red lips on top of yours. With your right hand you left it's former position ,on my hip, trailed up my body, and grabbed my long black hair while pulling it back into a ponytail with your fist.

In moments like these I couldn't deny it or lie. I felt extremely sexy and feminine. This new look and attitude shift in the nineties was all due to all the acting jobs I have acquired and all the roles I had to portray. It really brought this sensual side of me out that was never really there before. This role in particularly required me to do some method acting. This including and was not limited to staying in character even after the shoot. The movie Natural Born Killers has really cemented my staying power in the movie industry. And to be honest I loved it. I loved being bad, I loved acting out of control, I loved having no boundaries. I was as free as a bird, and you couldn't clip a bird's wings. During these times I was at both ends of the spectrum, while you were somewhere in between.

However, this character bled into my personal private life. Don't get me wrong I loved portray Mallory from that movie; I really did. But this led me to be someone you and I didn't know. I was snorting and shooting up almost every night now, and when I wasn't I was screwing you. Don't get me wrong I always performed greatly, and the drugs that I took didn't physically affect me. It also helped that no one could tell when I was high out of my mind. I smoke, drank, and fucked a lot. I was just like you rockstar. You hadn't taken things out of my hands, and I absolutely couldn't blame you. I was just as much as a loudwire as you were at the time. But, I didn't really want a prince to come save me and wish me away to begin with. 

Yet, throughout all of this turmoil your love for me and my love for you was unwavering. So much so that I got your full name tattooed on the inside of my wrist. You wouldn't get a tattoo. You refused. They were corny to you. To quote you specifically, 'You don't put a bumper sticker on a Mercedes Benz.'. However, while you weren't willing to do that you were more than willing to marry me. Your love for me was always unfaltering, and even when surrounded by all the drugs in the world, and even having a plethora of women fall to your feet begging to to bed them and sleep with them your mind was always on me. Even when you were bedding someone else while your body may have not been with me your mind and soul were always undeniably eternally mine.

I finally had something that I knew would always be mine. Age will inevitably take my beautiful fair wrinkle-less skin and light blonde hair ,and make me undesirable. Drugs always leave you too soon, along with your fame and notoriety. Even your talent and mind will eventually fade away and deteriorate as time goes on. However, out of all of that our love and undying passion for each other will never vanish or fade away.

I just couldn't take myself. I just couldn't contain myself around you. Everything around you was perfect. Everything was extremely sick, especially during this veering transitional period for me. You could tell, but nonetheless you acclimated to my new verging persona and lifestyle. You couldn't tell me to stop it. Yet, on the other end of the spectrum couldn't  tell me not to quit, and that's it. It was you and no-one else when I was with you. It was never hard for me to stay with you. I was always insnared in your trap, and you knew it. Even with your swinging moods that change from calmness to deranged. Unpredictable; that was exactly what you and I were. However, back then I don't think neither of us minded or cared that much. I might've when we were just starting out, but now I'd be a hypocrite to judge you. I was turning into the exact same you were turning into. We both knew that going down this road would eventually end in dead as we would inevitably come across the dead end in life and decide to jump off the cliff; which would effectively end us both. Whether this would sever and maim us literally, artistically, or metaphorically we wouldn't know yet, but did we truly give one about the danger we were subjecting ourselves to? No, not really, and if we were aware of it back then I don't think we really cared in all honesty.  But everyone around us could tell that we were clearly on the road to ruin; which could only assure mutually assured destruction. Maybe you would see if only you never wanted to understand.