Kiss of Death- Dave Mustaine Fanfiction

I Am Still Right Here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liars chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here - Nine Inch Nails

Going forward into the early 2000s I was completely and utterly devoted to the production and filming of Kill Bill. This including having me temporarily live in Japan during the filming process. Since Justis was on spring break around this time it didn't really matter. Plus Electra was still quite young. She wouldn't officially start school until September. It didn't really matter either way to be honest. I could just have them home schooled, but I had to at least let my children have some sort of social live. I could never bring myself to completely barricade and block off my children from the rest of the world. After all when I was younger I was so socially maladjusted   due to my mother's strangle hold on me.    I couldn't do the same to them.

It has been 4 months since  last saw you. It has also been four months since anyone heard anything from you. I assumed you were still in the rehab facility while I was out working. To be honest no one really knew where you were during this time. Sure we all knew you were seeking help, but it was as if you faded away from everyone's perception. Your sister hadn't called you in god knows how long, other metal and rock bands were rising up and taking your place, and even the person whom you considered to be your brother, Ellefson, was embarking on new endeavors to try and not to just be defined by his time in Megadeth. 

It was great in my opinion. Sure it was hurting you in the process, but your strangle hold that you had on everyone around you was finally coming to man end.  Your choke hold on those who surrounded you was finally diminishing. Personally, to me it was due impart to your fear of aging and being out of your prime. You weren't like you in the 80s and 90s. You couldn't really compete to all these new, younger, and much more eccentric looking and sounding bands. To you bands like Foo Fighters, Audioslave, Radiohead, Green Day, and Blink-182 kinda stole your fire. MTV, the press, and the road groupies weren't flocking to you like they were before. It was as if you were tossed to the side like a piece of garbage. And to make matters even worse for you Metallica was still popular while your band was, in your eyes, busy fading away. Sure, you could debate that it was for all the wrong reasons (I.E. St.Anger and the Metallica v. Napster case), but it was nonetheless grating to see them again and again achieve and gain recognition where you constantly failed. 'It wasn't fair.' You would constantly yell, but in the end you couldn't really do a damn thing about it.

However, when you called me in April of 2003 I began to break into a sweat and started to cry. You had severely broke your arm due to a position you were in during a position you were in while in rehab. Since by around this time I was pretty much done with filming and with shooting I immediately packed up all of my stuff and caught the first flight back to the States along with our kids. I was pretty much hysterical for the entirety of the near 14 hour flight. Electra and Justis looked over at me not knowing what to do since I was shivering shuffling and crying, and I refused to answer to any sort of questions they asked until arrival in Austin, Texas.

"Mommy what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Justis nudged my shoulder slightly.

"Yeah, mommy what's wrong?" Electra questioned lightly following behind her older brother.

"Nothing, honey." I said while dropping my stuff into the rental car. I kneeled down on the ground and picked up both of them in my arms while they began to snuggle into my neck and chest. "Mommy is just thinking about daddy right now. You're about to see daddy again. Aren't you guys happy?" I asked desperately trying to shift the discussion. 

I plopped them down inside the car while safely securing their seatbelts. They looked up towards me and nodded in delight. After all this is to be expected. They haven't seen their father in quite a while their reaction was only logical. But the one thing that plagued my mind was what would you think once the kids and I entered the hospital portion of the rehabilitation center. You never really cared for anyone visiting you while in these types of places. To you it just showed weakness in your character and was the equivalent of you being emasculated. 

I sighed and entered the building nonetheless. Entering this place for the first time felt strange. There was this weird air and feel to the place. It was so sanitized and sterile. The place was so quiet you could hear a pen drop. It smelled like old people and cough medicine.  It was almost as if it existed outside the realm of this planet. This place didn't feel right to me. In some ways it kinda scared me. Now I knew why you were always so hesitant to be put into one of these centers. 

I signed in then began to approach the room where you resided. I pulled the children off to the side before entering to sorta warn them before entering your room. They seemed anxious to see you again, but I didn't want them to unnerve you in any way shape of form. They loved you and they were never ever really rude or anything other than well behaved children. However, their curiosity and inquisitive often got the best of them and could come off as annoying at times.

I gently smiled towards them and stood up at full height. And sighed as I began to open the door. 'This was it.' I thought to myself. 'Better get this over with.' I sighed. My feeling for you may have disappeared, but I am and was still right there.