Kiss of Death- Dave Mustaine Fanfiction

Another Turning Point

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life So take the photographs, and still-frames in your mind
Hang them on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoo's of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life - Green Day

By the time 1999 came around we weren't on speaking terms anymore. We were still married, but it was anything but a happy matrimony. Sure I was now pregnant and about to give birth to our second child, but I truly began to loathe motherhood. I loathed hating to put up with you and your antics and unfaithfulness I'm tried of feeling like shit. The nineties were apparently a wild and fun decade yet for the majority of it I was trapped within the house hoping my 'loving husband' wouldn't do anything nasty. I've been pretty lenient with you, yet when I even suggest wanting to go back into the acting business it was immediately shot down. You even gave me this whole spiel whenever I even hinted at this. 'What about Justis? Someone has to look out after him! Why are you trying to be, a bad mother?' Whenever, you would say this I'd hold my tongue and bite my lip to prevent myself from being rash and rather unfiltered.

I felt like I was living in a repressive household. I couldn't properly speak out I just wanted to be seen again. It felt like once I married you a part of me died inside. It was like I was signing away my rights when marrying you. You got to do everything under the sun and if I were to judge or criticize I was being a bitch, yet if you were to do so you were just being a reasonable and responsible father. I call bullshit on this. 

You had sluts, alcohol, and drugs all while on tour. Not once did you give a damn about me or your son. I had to beg you to talk to Justis, I had to beg you to talk to me! I would beg you to come home at night. I would beg you to be sober. In all honesty I was getting tired of begging and waiting for change and getting none in return. I had already made my mind up. I was too far along to get an abortion, so I just decided that once this child came I would move out and start working on getting my acting career back together. And to be quite honest I was considering divorce as a very plausible option. I was already contacting lawyers to wrap my head around the whole process. In all honesty ,while many would demonize me as being a money hungry whore just after your wealth and just seeking attention, I really didn't want a dime. I just really wanted to get away from you.

Can you blame me in all honesty? You were driving me up a wall. I have been nothing but completely and utterly dedicated to you, our son, and upkeep of the house. While, you were out partying and living the time of your life I was wasting away inside. Even with Justis and a child on the way I felt hollow and incomplete.

I remember a few months into the year I decided to pack up my stuff along with Justis'. I had recently found an apartment away from the whole music scene and decided that it would just be best if I was completely away from you and that house. Since, both brought up feeling and thoughts of doubt and drudged up terrible memories. I just needed to get away from you, and rediscover myself. This was for the best. That way I wouldn't have to constantly think of you, and I'd be able finally heal.

Being around you was in essence me denying my soul to grow. You were removing my pain. This move was my chance to heal. This was my cure. My wounds were open, infected, and darkened all over. This was my chance to be saved from internal death.

The move I made was rather far away from our rather large house in San Fransisco. It was in the southern end of Washington in Olympia. Yeah, sure another music scene was right in that area but it didn't seem nearly as toxic as our love for each other. Besides, I wasn't looking for love anyway. I wasn't search for some rebound. I was busy searching for myself. Plus, I figured you wouldn't miss me. You were hardly around to begin with. I was just getting exhausted with your presence, or lack thereof.

This was yet another path in my life. However, I wasn't just doing this for me. I was doing this for Justis, and our future child as well. I needed to own up for myself. I needed to be independent again. I had to be Pamina again. I couldn't be this creature that took it's form as me, I had to be myself again. 

The drive was long and the worry in Justis' eyes were evident. But I only shushed his concerns and hyped up this adjustment in our lives even more. 

"This is good for us, Justis." I stated in a calm yet still noticeable excited tone.

"Really, mommy?" He questioned with this sort of innocent glimmer in his eyes.

I smiled softly as I briefly took my eyes off the road to look up into the rear view mirror to view my boy.

"Of course, honey," I began, "change is always good." 

This was something completely new for me. It was something unpredictable, but in the end I can't deny it. It really felt so right. Time with you was directing me where to go. Time with you was a lesson learned. Even with the trail of memories I was leaving behind this was more than well deserved and was certainly long over due. Here I was at yet another turning point where the fork stuck in the road. It was time. I was about to take the road less traveled by, and it would certainly make all the difference.