Fix Me || Jerrie

Chapter 7

Jade's POV

My mind was reeling.

Perrie had a kid and she hadn't told me about her.

She'd lied to me. Or maybe she hadn't. I didn't know right now.

She hadn't told me though and that hurt.

I thought I could trust Perrie and tell her anything but clearly she didn't feel the same way towards me.

I jumped as the door to the bookshop banged shut behind me and I took a deep, shuddering breath. The realisation of what had just happened was slowly hitting me and settling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't know how to feel, there was no guide on what to do or feel in this situation. My mind was flooding with anger...hurt...betrayal... and sadness. Each emotion crashed over me stronger than the last and I felt like I was suffocating underneath them all. It was almost becoming hard to breathe; it felt like there was a metal band tightening around my chest and I was struggling to pull air into my lungs.

I needed to get as far away from Perrie and our argument as I could, give myself some distance so I could try and sort out what I was thinking as at the minute I was feeling everything and thinking nothing. I needed to find somewhere I could be alone so I could at least try and sort everything out in my head. There was no chance I could form a rational and logical thought right now and I knew I couldn't talk to Perrie about anything until I'd thought it through because otherwise I'd just let my feelings get the better of me and I'd say something I'd regret or I'd hurt her and that was the last thing I wanted to do. Seeing Perrie cry as I'd refused to let her explain had already been torture enough, I never ever wanted to see her cry again and I absolutely hated being the one to make her cry but right now I was in no place to have a proper, mature conversation with her.

With tears still pooling and spilling out of the corners of my eyes, I stumbled blindly away from the door. The tears were blurring everything around me and I could feel my heart rate pick up. My legs felt like solid blocks of steel and I forced myself to put one in front of the other so I could escape. I managed to dodge the few people that were around but I was lucky it was quiet as I was paying very little attention to where I was going. I couldn't think of anything worse than someone recognising me or bumping into someone, except seeing Perrie right now - that would definitely be worse.

I managed to make it around the corner and into an isolated side street without any problems. My heart was hammering against my ribs and I could see my hands shaking slightly so I let my forehead rest against the wall of the alley, my hands either side of my head and took some deep breaths. I focused on a crack in the concrete next to the toe of my left shoe as I began to calm myself down.

The wind rustled an old, dirty McDonald's bag a couple of feet away from me as I took a deep breath in... and out. I could feel myself beginning to calm down, my heart was returning to a normal pace and my chest wasn't feeling tight anymore but nothing seemed to be calming the raging emotions in my head.

With a sudden burst of strength I didn't know I currently possessed I launched my fist into the wall, that definitely wasn't my smartest idea but I didn't know I was going to do it until I was already hitting the wall. It just seemed like a good outlet for my emotions, if a rather painful outlet.

"Ahhhh fuck." I let out a scrambled scream of sorts and cradled my fist into my chest as I sucked in a sharp breath through my teeth. Why did I just punch a wall? I've never punched anything before, violence is definitely not my thing but on the positive side it felt like all my anger flowed out of my fist and into the wall the moment they made contact. I didn't feel angry anymore, I was still hurt about what had happened but I wasn't angry. My hand felt like it was on fire, the pain in my hand was a different kind of pain to the one in my heart; it was more of a sharp burning sensation whereas my heart felt like a dull constant throbbing, an ache that wouldn't go away.