My Ovaries!

WHERES YOUR GOD

There you sat with a basket that you had weaved. It was the late 1700s. You made all of your money through weaving, you started to make a new one.
Something made you feel a little naughty tonight, you took a knife and slit your wrist and the blood poured onto the loom, it dyed it a red color. Something struck you at that moment, you were going to make a pentagram out of the bloody loom at the bottom of the basket.
All of the children who were in the room with you stared in horror. You demanded that they come to you so that you could also slit their wrists for satan. One by one the four children came to you. You put the basket with the pentagram on the table.
You started to go around the basket, shuffling around it. You started to chant "Attenrobendum eos, ad consiendrum, ad ligandum eos, potiter et solvendum, et ad, congregontum eos, 'coram it in mi asshole."
The children around you were chanting "666", 10 minutes passed, there was no sign of Satan.
"Fuck.", you said to yourself quietly, you stopped shuffling around the basket as well. You thought for a moment and then you remembered. It was not "... 'coram it in mi asshole", but it was "... 'coram me.".
You blushed a little, and you began to circle around the basket again. After the third time of you reciting the chant, all of the candles in the room went out. There was a slight red glow coming from out of the basket. The room seemed to have dropped in temperature. Nobody said anything. It was completely still.
One kid started to cry because he felt something tap his shoulder. As soon as this happened, the room started to shake violently, baskets were falling off of the shelves. The basket that had your blood in it was rising off of the table it was on. Every inch it would rise up, it would become brighter. All of the sudden it flipped over and out popped Satan. He stood there, looking like a bull with his sexy, muscular arms, his horns were long, and his body was a deep cherry red, he had his hair up in a bun, it burned with a fervent passion.
He spoke. "Omnes vos trying impetro a blandeque coruscant satanas eruditionis habes". His voice boomed, except when he got to the "coruscant" part, his voice cracked. Lil mans is going through puberty.
You spoke back to him "Uh, sorry I don't speak Italian👌."
Satan looked back at you, puzzled. He then spoke in a language you could understand, but he wasn't very fluent. "Fuckin' retarted are ya cunt?" It was in an accent you didn't know, it was foreign, maybe kangaroo language? "I asked if y'all are tryna get buttfucked by Satan? The fuck else would ya call on me fo' ya stupid cunt. Fuck me dead you fuck stick."
You looked at this sexy beast and you spoke back "Well bloody fuckin hell to you too god damm imma bouta get a priest down here to cleanse yo raunchy ass. Bruh is that fish I smell? God damn you needa clean that cooch."
All of the children had left by now and the demon started to cry. He was weeping and wondering why he was so ugly. As he was doing this you ran to get the priest.
(Give yourself time to walk down there boi)
"HEWWO?! UwU?! IS ANYWON HEWW?" you yelled as soon as you got to the priest's holy church.
The priest stepped out of the church, which also happened to be a brothel, two medieval hookers fell out of the building saying "Deus vult". The priest curb stomped those bitches for coming out before turning to you.
"Ah yes my child, what is it that I could pleasure you with, some bukkake perhaps?" The priest smiled as he stepped towards you almost tripping on his gown.
"N- no" you stuttered "I've come here because satan is real and he tried to eat my ass!" You felt sweat running down your neck and back.
The priest looked at you and motioned for you to step inside, so you did. "Now," the priest began, "you do realize there's no such thing as God, satan, or any paranormal or supernatural creature, but where is this satanic being, is it your mother?"
You paused for a moment thinking, "no I don't think it's my mom." you said, the priest looked like he was getting angry.
In the distance you heard softly "Satan's mom lives in New Orleans."
Then it clicked. You wanted to die in New Orleans, to meet Satan's mom. You quickly got out of the brothel and ran back to where satan was.
Satan was just cooking pizzas in the kitchen and passing out on the couch.

"Satan'" you said confidently. "I want you to take me to New Orleans and buttfuck me until my anus falls out and I die." Satan turned around and looked at you. He did not say a word to you. He just stared. You felt as if Satan was going to reject you. I mean, why would satan want you when he could for real get some hot bitches on his dick.

Fast forward like 2 or 3 days and you find yourself in the heart of New Orleans. You already saw like 80 homeless people, a hooker with 4 fingers missing, a gang called Grove Street Families, you saw a Chick Fil-a being robbed by a turkey, Casper the not so friendly ghost getting head in front of a church, multiple people getting shot up and shooting up.

Satan told you that this is the real America, where you shoot up heroin and schools at the same time.