LETTING GO

CHAPTER TWELVE

"Hello Rukky, how are you?"

"I am not fine Nana," and she started sobbing.

"Ya Salam, Rukky calm down and explain to me what the matter is."

"Nana we just lost Dad"

"From Allah we are and unto him, we shall return. I am so sorry Rukky, may Allah grant him Aljannatu Firdausi, expand and illuminate his grave."

" Amin Nana. I called you to ask you to please tell Ya Bilal, he was really close to Dad. We are all scared of who to break it to him, so Mum suggested you do."

"Alright, then I will try and call him now. Take it easy Rukky, By Allah's grace he is in a better place."

I sat down on my bed for what seemed like hours, with a lot of things going through my mind. I was confused on how to break the news to Bilal, it is going to be very hard. I decided to pack my bags because I would have to go down to Lagos with him for this one. I informed my parents about the passing away of their old friend and they were all shocked, I was encouraged to go to Lagos and represent the family, my parents will be at my heels once they touchdown the country.

"Hello Abdul, how far?"

"Nana, I am fine how are you?"

"Is Bilal at home, I have been trying to get hold of him but he is not picking."

"He just stepped out, is there any problem."

"Yes there is, can you please pack a small bag for him with all essentials for an emergency trip as fast as possible I will explain to you when I get there."

"Okay then," he replied shortly.

I booked our plane tickets and zoomed to go pick Bilal.

"Abdul, I am outside."

Abdul came out looking so worried.

"Nana, what happened?"

"Bilal lost his dad."

"From Allah we are and unto him, we shall return," he exclaimed.

"Rukky called me a while ago with the news. I have booked our flight, I will be going with him. Will you be coming?"

"Ya Allah, May Allah grant him Aljannatu Firdausi. I can't make it, I will be traveling to Kaduna later in the day. My mum got admitted last night, but immediately I see how she is faring, I will come to Lagos."

"Alright then, May Allah grant her speedy recovery. Let me keep trying his number, hopefully, he picks up.

Fifteen minutes after reaching their house Bilal came back, apparently, he just went to a corner shop to get something.

"Nana! Why are you here and you have been blowing my phone up. What is the problem?" he asked looking worried.

This is the part I didn't think of. How was I going to break the news to him? I thought.

"Bilal! I need to get something from the airport, can you please come with me then I will tell you all about it in the car," I said.

"Alright, this better be something important Nana?" he voiced out.

Abdul gave him a long hug which left him wondering what was going on but he didn't say anything.

"I will see you tomorrow bro," said Abdul

"Tomorrow! I thought you were spending the weekend in Kaduna?" he asked.

"I will call you to explain later in the night."

We drove in silence for fifteen minutes before Bilal got impatient.

"Nana! I have a bad feeling about this. What is going on?"

"Bilal, I don't know if there is a better way to say this and even if there is I have no idea how to. I just need you to understand that God doesn't give you what you can't handle. As exhausting and emotionally draining as some test in life can be, if we put our complete trust In Allah, God will give us the strength to pull through."

"Okay! Go straight to the point. Who died? "

"Dad," I said shortly while glancing at him.

From my announcement of his Dad's death till we landed in Lagos Bilal didn't say a word. He just keeps staring into blank space. It was hurting me so much seeing him go through that, but I understood it was something he had to come to terms with on his own.

Luckily for us, there wasn't traffic on that day so we got to their residence as soon as possible. Bilal immediately went to perform ablution because everyone was waiting for him to go put his Dad to rest in his final abode.

It has been three days and the pain I see this three people that I love so much go through is very heartbreaking. All I can say is may God give me the strength to pull through when he takes away my loved ones and may He give my loved ones the strength to pull through when I go.

"Has Bilal eaten" asked my mother. My parents arrived the second day of the death.

"He hasn't been eating," I said.

"Go call him," she ordered.

It was late in the night around 10:00 p.m. and the house was quiet. I found Bilal in the seating room, staring into space. I haven't had a proper conversation with him since three days ago.

"Bilal!" I called.

"Uhmm!" he answered.

"How are you?" that was the first thing that came to my mind.

" How am I? Nana, I honestly have no idea how I am. Everything has been going so fast, I can't even keep hang of it. I went from being that man that had everything to a man without a father. I don't even know if I am strong for all this, I feel like this is all a dream and if I wake up tomorrow I will find him.Nana, I am so scared of how life will be right now. I wasn't ready for this, I am not man enough to shoulder all these responsibilities. Where do I start from? I can't even explain how I feel......." And he started crying.

I wish I could help him carry this burden on his shoulder. It has been just three days but he looks like a shadow of himself; hollow eyes, eyes bags, sunken cheeks and very tired. I allowed him to cry because I knew he needed to let all his feelings out and crying doesn't mean one is weak but a sign of coming to terms with your emotions. Once in a while we all need a good cry there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable irrespective of our gender. It just shows that we are humans and have feelings.

I let him cry for as long as he could before telling him about mummy's call.