LETTING GO

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

It has been two weeks since Bilal said: "I am not his type." I will be lying if I said that statement didn't affect me. It pulled at my confidence. It is interesting how all these people go about saying I want to love somebody because of their heart and soul but people don't really see beyond physical. I mean Bilal always complements me about my personality but all of a sudden now he says I am not "his type." This definitely has to do with my physical looks. I mean I thought I was a six out of ten on looks, but then after seeing Bilal's girlfriend who was an eleven out of ten, I was very intimidated. Lo and behold, he just confirmed it. I have made peace with being a six out of ten but hearing it from Bilal, that was very disheartening.

"Nana! Are you okay? You have been distant recently?" asked my colleague.

"I am fine," I smiled tightly.

"Alright then. Just take it easy, don't give yourself high blood pressure at a young age," she warned.

My phone started ringing, therefore, preventing me from answering her. It was a client I was supposed to have a lunch meeting with, calling to remind me.

I walked into the restaurant premises and found the client waiting for me. We had a very quick meeting because he was in a rush. After the meeting, I decided to have lunch. Upon entering the restaurant to place my order I found a devastating looking Bilal and Sadiya. My first instance was to say hi from a distance because Sadiya is always trouble. But the devastating look on Bilal's face didn't allow me to do that, therefore, I walked towards them.

"Hi Bilal, Sadiya" I gave a curt nod.

"Isn't it very interesting that you appeared the moment we broke up. You can have him to yourself," she furiously stood up.

I have had enough of this brat's disrespect and at this moment I don't care about causing a scene I was going to set her straight. Therefore, I held her hands and swiftly turned her to face me.

"Sadiya I have tolerated you for a very long time because of what you mean to Bilal. But I wouldn't have you disrespect me every single time you see me. If not anything I am older than you and courtesy demands that you respect me. If my aim was to break your relationship with Bilal I would have done that a long time ago. You need to understand that it isn't always about you and if you love this man as you claim, you need to respect the people you met in his life even if you don't like them. Take that piece of advice in your next relationship and it will flourish," I said while letting go of her hand.

In my rage, I forgot that I had the tendency of hurting her hand because of the strong grip I had on it. Unfortunately, I noticed her massaging the hand immediately I let it go, don't blame me, blame my trainer for coaching me on the importance of having a strong grip on the weights when lifting.

Anyways, Sadiya just walked out without a word to me.

"What was that about Bilal?" I asked.

"Have a seat, we have a lot to talk about," he said.

"I wish that is possible, but whatever it is we have to talk about can wait. I have a limited time for my lunch break and I need to start going back now. We can discuss it whenever you come over to the house or we could do dinner over the weekend and discuss it if it isn't urgent."

" Fine! Let's have dinner on Saturday, I will pick you up by 7."

I went back to the office with my mind full of what my discussion with Bilal will be about. I was so curious but at the same time excited, with the whole dinner arrangement. In my head, it feels like we would be going on a date, with him coming to pick me and all that.

Saturday arrived with so much anticipation. Bilal and I went to a new retro restaurant in Maitama. The food and ambiance were amazing. I am so glad I came here with Bilal, therefore, I won't only eat the food but I will experience the goodness without feeling shy or pressured into acting properly. However, we were very awkward, there was an unknown tension that you could feel around us. It was so frustrating.

"Bilal! It is 9:00 p.m, I need to be home by 10:00 p.m, what did you want to talk about?"

He sighed, closed and opened his eyes twice and then covered his face with his hand for a while before looking me straight in the eye and dropping the bombshell.

"Nana, why didn't I ever see the love you have me?"

I rolled my eyes, "excuse me please get to the point with your discussion."

"I mean you loved me sincerely, how didn't I ever notice. I feel so bad that I had unconsciously broken your heart because I was busy pursuing somebody different. The irony of life is how much I remember talking about your future husband and how he will be so lucky, without knowing that it might just be me. I am sorry for whatever it is you went through on the account of loving me. I can't believe I could be that blind. I know I don't deserve you, but if you will have me I will be extremely happy," he said.

"See Bilal, if you are joking just stop this expensive joke,"

The look he gave me assured me that he wasn't joking.

"You are serious?" I asked, still unsure of what was going on.

He just nodded.

I felt so many emotions at that point, with my expected emotion being the least of it. I have fantasized about this moment and I always thought I will be extremely happy when he asked me out but what I felt at that point was anger.

" Are you even kidding me? See Bilal, yes I love you but I am not a fool. This is a different form of disrespect that I can't explain. The nerve you have to use me as a rebound can't be described. You broke up with that your brat of a girlfriend a few days ago and you are here asking me out," I choked up.

I couldn't continue speaking because of the emotions clogged in my throat.

"Nana, you have it all mixed up. How will I use you as a rebound, I am just seeing things clear right now, please take out time and understand me."

"See Bilal, for the longest time I have fantasized about how amazing it will feel when you finally come to terms with my love for you and acknowledge it, but what you have done now has capsized all that emotions. You have disrespected me. Take me home please, I don't want to talk about this."

We drove to my destination, with Bilal trying to explain to me what he did and why he did it. However, I was too angry to even listen. The bulk of my anger comes from feeling like a second option. I  have been wanting to be with Bilal for a long time now, but I am not that desperate to comfortably find joy in being a rebound. If everyone doesn't know, I am one person that is aware of how he was crazily in love with Sadiya, so I refuse to be the second option. As much as I want him, I will only accept him when he chooses to be with me because he wants to be with me and not because he is trying to get over Sadiya.

"Good night," I said while alighting his car and slamming the door.

I walked into the house with a pounding headache and thoughts of how the night is going to be very long.