LETTING GO

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

It has been a month since my confrontation with Bilal, we are on the basis of being cordial to each other. I want us to resolve the problem because I miss him but then I don't know how to go about it. To be honest I will prefer if he takes time and heals then he decides if he really wants me or not. Meanwhile, I have a date, it is time for me to go out and meet other people, maybe I will be able to move past Bilal.

The person I am going out with is a colleague's cousin. Long story short, he came to see his cousin at work and we got into a discussion about life and where we all hope to be. In his words, " I am very intelligent," therefore, he would love to get to know me. So, this date is the getting to know me better.

"Sorry, I am late, my car developed a fault on the way,"

"O! sorry about that, did you have it checked," he asked.

"Thank God it wasn't a serious issue. I was able to fix it before coming here."

"That must be so stressful, having to go to the mechanic and then coming here. I apologize for any stress caused."

"I fixed it myself, as I said it wasn't a serious problem."

"You have an idea about how a car works? That is very surprising, most women are barely good drivers, talk less of having an idea about how a car works," he added.

"That is a huge generalization, speeding and trying to kill yourself doesn't make you a good driver and that is what a lot of people think are characteristics of being a good driver. A lot of women are careful drivers while a lot of men are rough drivers, but that doesn't make the careful one's bad drivers and also the rough one's good drivers. There is a difference," I said.

"I guess so," he shrugged.

"So tell me more about yourself, where do you see yourself in let's say ten years from now?" he added.

"Uhmm, ten years seem so far but quite near, when you take account of how much time moves. So now I work with an advertising agency, if it is by my hard work then I see myself having a top-notch agency that would be recognized in Nigeria, I hope to be happy, published my book already and having an impressive resume that would open so many doors for me. But then it isn't just by hard work, I am a strong believer of working extra hard but also leaving my matters in the hands of the creator because at the end of the day it is up to the Almighty and not just us."

"That is very impressive, you seem to be very focused about where you want to be. You don't seem like the one that can twig her ideologies. Hopefully, you get to where you want to be but don't forget that there is no harm in a little twig to accommodate the people In your life."

"I appreciate your honesty, but you see my ideologies are the way they are because there is a place I want to get, there is a level of discipline I will love to have and only those ideologies will get me to where I want to be. I might be too rigid and I understand what you mean by accommodating people but then I don't want to have to change because my lifestyle doesn't suit you for example or someone else that will come to my life. If I keep changing for people, then I will be doomed when they walk out."

"Yeah! But for instance, let's say your husband has a good job and he can provide whatever you want. As ambitious as you are, it will be nice to make a little twig to accommodate your family's needs. Even if that twig means diluting your ambition and letting your husband provide while you hold down the home front."

"Where is this coming from? What do you mean by changing to accommodate the family?

"Well, I mean diluting your career ambition. I understand how nobody wants to sit bored and keep doing the same thing. I am all for her having a little business to while away time, something she can always drop when the children or I need her without any problem. Besides I plan on providing for her till the end of my existence, so, she doesn't exactly need to toil hard to get profit from whatever business she is in. Let 's not talk about how out of control women get when they are rich. Once she starts having a lot of money she will not respect me and that will cause a strain in the marriage."

"I understand you looking out for the well being of your children. It is important for parents to be at the forefront of their children's lives. But what makes you think that she can't take be there for the children and also have a booming career.

You talk about her having a business, what if she doesn't want to be an entrepreneur. Some people thrive more in 9-5 than being entrepreneurs. You made mention of providing for her, that is very commendable. However, unless you have been at the beck and call of somebody that provides for you other than your parents, you have no idea how demeaning it is having to ask somebody for money for everything. From something as casual as a sanitary pad to something as big as trying to give out charity. It gets frustrating sometimes. I have seen people in my life have fights because of money, those fallouts could have been avoided, if one didn't have to provide money for everything the other needed.

See being a trophy wife has a lot of perks, having to put your leg up and someone gives you money is extremely nice. And to be sincere, there are a lot of people that won't trade it for anything and I respect that because it is all about personal opinions. But you see beyond the money I make, I want to be able to make an impact, to leave something behind beyond just my family. I don't see myself being a trophy wife, even when I have kids I know it will be tough but I plan on making it work. A lot of women have done it and some are still doing it. So why can't I try? I don't want people assuming that I can't do things when they haven't even let me try.

Then you spoke about respect. Come on, I know some people get high when they get rich and this isn't gender specified. The way some women might be proud just because they have money is the same way some men act too. So this is about the personality and not being rich."

Muhammed, my colleague's cousin was nice but we were not meant to be. During our course of getting to know each other, I realized he liked the idea of who I am but couldn't handle the reality. He was constantly talking about me being too rigid and stubborn but when I ask him to elaborate on that, it becomes a problem. I concluded that I wasn't who he wanted and deep down in his mind he thought he could change me into the woman he wants. Therefore, gone is another man from my life. I am beginning to think I might just be amongst those women that are meant to be single all their lives. The irony of life, the one you want doesn't want you and the ones you don't want are after you.