LETTING GO

FINAL CHAPTER

You know the saying of everything happens for a reason? I never understood that saying when things I term as negative happen to me. Because how will negativity have a positive reason. But now it all seem clear to me and I definitely believe that everything happens for a reason. Life has moved on after Bilal, I have figured out that my life did not start with him and it definitely would not end without him. I am doing much more better than I did in the last two years. I cannot lie and say I don't get triggered sometimes, but it is just nostalgia nothing more, and that happens because he often comes to our house. According to our parents, just because I and Bilal's relationship didn't work does not mean that they will throw their years of friendship. My mom was at the forefront of his marriage introduction. I cannot say Bilal and I are best of friends, but we are good. There is no tension, beef or bad blood when we are around each other.

In other news I resigned from my job and now paying full attention to my PR agency. I have been doing freelancing alongside my job for two years now. I believe I have good experience and have created great professional relationships to kick off my company. Things are going well, my skin is glowing, I have always been eating well and exercising too, so I believe all that is going well. My hair on the other hand has refused to grow but it is all good, a lot of things are going well, so, I can't complain too much about my hair.

The most important thing is that I am in a good space now, some times back I sat down and reflected on my relationship with Bilal and realized that it coming to an end was the best for me. Bilal is a good man but he would not have loved me the way I wanted to be loved. I would have lived a life of constant doubt and always second guessing his love for me. I know love is not always enough in building a healthy relationship, but I believe love makes it easy. I loved Bilal, but my heart is not big enough to love myself for him. I needed him to love me intentionally and completely for whatever we had to thrive

I never knew I would say this but I am glad it did not work out, because if it had, one of us would have lived a life of unhappiness and the other a life of doubt. I do not want anyone to be with me because I am a nice girl, anyone can be a nice girl. I want someone to be with me because of who I am as a person, which compromises of being a nice girl, a girl with a quick mouth and a cry baby sometimes and so many things that makes me Nana. 

Right now I am at Bilal's wedding and about to go dance. I will be turning thirty tomorrow and I know somewhere in my family's heart they wish I was at this wedding with my husband. I also wish I was, because truth be told I want an emotional connection with another human. But then that does not mean my life has to come to an end. I love who I am, I love my job and most importantly I no longer think I am a six out of ten. I don't care if I am Bilal's spec or not, I will like to say I am a ten out of ten but to be more humble, I am an eight and I feel great. i am still out here looking for my soulmate that would love me the way I want to be loved, and I will also love him the way he wants to be loved. But for now I am putting all my energy in the present and just doing me, it will happen when it is meant to happen.

Thankyou for coming on this journey with me and for being patient with me through myslow updates. I hope you are loved as much as you want to be and the way youwant to be. I hope you find the courage to live a space you are not loved. I hopeyou have the courage to go after your dreams and not measure your success bythe standard of society. I HOPE YOU ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO ALWAYS DO YOU .