LETTING GO

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Now everything is making sense to me. The hesitations when I say I love you to him, the lost look in his eyes that I have never seen until we started dating, it all adds up. My conclusion is that he made sure I dated him because he holds me in such a high-esteem that he will hate to break my heart after finding out I had feelings for him.

As much as I love him, I want us both to be happy and if his happiness doesn't lie with me, I will do us both a favour and let him go. Don't think it doesn't hurt, it hurts a lot, but this is something I have to do.

"Bilal, we need to talk."

"Okay, what is wrong?" he said while dropping the gamepad.

"I want you to be as honest as possible with me when answering the questions that are coming. Bilal do not for any reason think your truth will hurt me so you will lie, please don't do that."

"Okay! This seems serious Nana, what is wrong?"

"I remember one time you said, if there is anything you will lie about, it won't be about loving someone. Do you still hold that belief?"

"Nana, where are you going with all this?"

"Bilal! Please just answer," I pleaded.

"Yes! I still do that , what is wrong?"

"Do you love me," I said while looking straight into his eyes. He knew it was serious because I have a problem with looking at people in the eyes.

"Nana, what kind of question is that?"

"Bilal just answer the damn question."

"Will I be with you if I don't?"

"That isn't what I asked. Do you love me, Yes or No?"

"Nana, why are you asking this question?

"Because I want to know the truth."

"Nana, of course, I love you. Why will you even think otherwise?"

You know on a normal day I would have been so excited that he confessed his love to me but at the moment I was so angry. How dare he lie to me? I have known Bilal for years and whenever he is lying he scratches his hands and right now he is vigorously scratching it.

"Bilal! How dare you lead me on? You gave me all the green lights, you did all the things I wanted you to do, heck you dated me and lied to me. What the hell was your motive?"

"Nana, please calm down." he cooed.

"Don't tell me to calm down, you have no idea how I am feeling now. You better start answering my question before I will do things we will both regret."

"Okay. Nana! You are an amazing person, I can't even begin to describe how amazing you are. You have been good to me ..."

"Just stop beating around the bush Bilal," I cut him off.

"Alright, If I say I have never thought of being with you in the future I will be lying. But I just.... I just cannot see you in the light of someone I am supposed to be in love with. I know I care about you, I have this urge to protect you just as I do my sister. But thinking of a life with you as my partner just doesn't make me tick. I am so sorry I made things hard for you, I am sorry for lying, I am sorry for the heartbreak this might cause you."

I am so angry, and my heart feels like it is going to burst into tiny fragments. Do you know that feeling of being so hurt, you want to cry but you cannot even bring out the tears because of how much pain you are going through? That was exactly how I felt. With a heavy heart, I walked out of his presence.

"I do not understand you, you have been locked up in the room for two days now. I have been asking you, but you have refused to tell me what is wrong. Should I call Bilal?"

I quickly jerked up from my lying position in my dark and cold room and spoke to my mother "Please don't call him."

"Then tell me what is wrong, no one has heard your voice in the house for two days now and we are all worried."

"I had a fallout with Bilal."

"Is that why you are locked up here? This is not the first time you people are having a fallout, everyone has a misunderstanding with others. You will get through this, you don't have to lock yourself up because of a little misunderstanding."

"You don't understand this is an actual fallout, we broke up."

"Wow! That is huge, what happened?"

"Mummy.........." I just broke into tears while engulfing my mother in a hug.