A DREAM OF LOVE- completed

CHAPTER 10: DILEMMA

CHAPTER 10: DILEMMA

Going back years ago I remember what Shani had told me about the card reading. I never really expected that it could be true and how difficult to handle that situation. It seems like everything was in the perfect place and in the perfect time inside the relationship between me and Andhy. But the truth was it wasn’t perfect at all. Andhy once had told me that there was such thing as having the right love at the wrong time. I insist that there was no such thing as that. But as our love deepens I realized that what he said was true.

            Before we start dating we knew that our relationship would never work out. Because there was somebody else who came first in Andhy’s life. They’ve been steady for years. I already met her once but never knew her. Andhy once introduced Darleen to me years ago. How can Andhy and I be happy if we both knew that we were hurting someone?

            At first everything was in a proper order. Andhy was giving me all of his time and affection. I could hear him talking to Darleen on his cell phone telling her lies about where he was and what his been doing and who he with. He would hold my hand so tight whenever he would tell Darleen that he loves her too and misses her so much. It was not easy for me to play as the other woman. It hurts so bad but I love him. I love him so much that I could do anything just to be with him all the time. There was this one time that I was so jealous and I don’t even know what to do. I was in a panic. One thing that I love about Andhy was being honest and can explain things in a very calm way. He said to me that Darleen was inviting him to go to her place. Because it’s been a while they haven’t seen each other and it was Christmas Holiday. Who am I to say no, he can’t? I came only as a second and Darleen was the first. He also said to me that he wouldn’t bring his cell phone because Darleen might read something and suspect that he had been fooling around for the past few months.  He added that he will come to my place after. What I didn’t understand about what he said that coming over to my place after was coming over the next day. That whole night I’ve waited for him to come. I knew that I wasn’t in the right place to be jealous but I can’t help it. It hurts like hell. I was in my room and I can’t stay in one place. I was in a panic and I’ve been calling Lana non-stop. Telling her I can’t take it anymore and that I was so jealous and hurt so bad. Even Tim had called me and tries to calm me down. Both Lana and Tim had been so patiently explaining to me that everything would be fine soon.  I remember not sleeping that night and when Andhy showed up the next morning I looked like hell and I wasn’t in the mood to see him nor talk to him. We had an argument and he went home really pissed. I know I have been selfish and rude but I can’t help it. It was hard to explain the aches that strike me so deep that I can’t straighten my head on thinking on the right things to say or do.

            After that fight and we both had calm down Lana and Tim finds a way that Andhy and I could talk things out. When I saw Andhy he was in a mess. He was the first one who speak saying he was sorry. I said no it was my fault and I said sorry also. For a minute or two no one did say a word. I broke the silence and ask him to just choose between me and Darleen. I told him how much I love him so much and I would respect his decision and that I was tired of being the other woman. He can’t look straight into my eyes and he still hadn’t said word. It gave me more pain deep inside; I started to cry knowing that he wouldn’t choose me because he wasn’t saying anything.  When he saw tears falling from my eyes he wiped it and said that he loves me so much and he wants me more than anything but I just came in second.  He added that how many times he explain it I wouldn’t understand.  He was right I didn’t understand a thing.

            I fear that I might loose him sooner or later. I’ll be going away soon and feared that when I came back he won’t be there anymore. I don’t want to think that I was going to loose him but it leads me no choice. That’s what had been happening for the past few days.

            In one of our outings, we were talking about us. He asks me to marry him, to elope. He was so sure back then that I was the one that he wants to grow old with. To my excitement I said yes. We even talked about our wedding plans. But we gave it a second thought and decided that it wasn’t the right thing to do. I told him that if he’s going to propose a marriage to me make sure that nobody gets hurt. He agreed and he apologized and gave me a kiss.