Misinterpreting Fate (Book 2)

13. Friends and Non-Friends

Chapter 13: Friends and Non-Friends

Sam

I hesitated before making my way across the crowded lunch room. Jaime, Courtney, and Ryan were all already sitting at our usual table, with no Shawn in sight. I was sort of glad that he wasn't sitting with us anymore, but at the same time, his absence made me feel guilty for being the reason he left our group in the first place.

Somehow, I managed to avoid all of them this morning. Poppa dropped me off at school so I didn't have to face Ryan on the bus, then I rushed to my homeroom before he could find me. I knew it was childish to run away from my friends, but I honestly still had no idea what to say to them, especially to Ryan.

I placed my books on the table gently. Everyone looked up at me, making me feel rather uneasy. I didn't like when a lot of people were all paying attention to me. It was even worse because I was pretty sure they were upset that I hadn't answered any of their texts or calls in the last two days.

"So he does still exist!" Courtney cheered.

I sat. "Hi."

"Where have you been?" Jaime asked me, genuinely curious. I felt like she wasn't mad at me at all, which helped a bit. "You weren't here yesterday."

"I know, I..." I shook my head. "Amy was in town yesterday." It technically wasn't a lie, so hopefully I'd be able to get away with using her as my excuse.

Last night was actually a lot of fun, with Amy being here. I don't think I've laughed that much in at least a month. It felt really good to just open up and not hide behind half-truths, like I was doing now. It was hard seeing her leave though. I was definitely going to miss her, maybe even more now than I did the last time she left.

"And you didn't tell us?" Courtney demanded. "I love your sister!"

I shook my head, smiling a little. "You've always had a weird obsession with her."

"It's not weird! She's the older sister I never had."

So that was sort of true. Ever since I met her, Courtney has always said she wanted a sister. When her and Amy met, the two of them bonded way more than I ever expected them to.

"Ryan, you've been quiet," Courtney said, changing the subject suddenly. "What's wrong? You're never this quiet."

I tensed up, knowing exactly what was going on in Ryan's head. Okay no, that's a lie. I wish I knew what he was thinking, but I knew it probably had something to do with me.

He didn't lift his gaze from his lunch. "I'm fine."

Jaime put her hand on my arm and leaned closer to me. "Are you okay?" she whispered in my ear, helping me ignore Courtney trying to press Ryan for an actual answer.

I shook my head ever so slightly. I wanted to be okay. I wanted everything to go back to the way things were before, even if I knew that was impossible.

She stood up, grabbing her books. "Sam, come with me."

I looked up at her, confused. Where were we going? And why? I followed her anyway, deciding I'd rather go with her than sit with Courtney and Ryan right now.

We made it out into the hallway before she stopped walking. "Ryan told me what happened on Monday."

"What? Shawn? I know. I did actually see your text."

Jaime shook her head. "He told me what happened right after, between the two of you. The fact that he kissed you?"

My eyes went wide. "What? He told you that? Why?"

"He figured you already told me and wanted advice."

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "What did you tell him?"

"Well, I asked him if he meant it."

"Did he?"

Instead of answering the question, she put her hand on my arm. "You need to talk to him, Sam. I'm serious. You can't shut us out - any of us."

"Did you really expect any different?" a voice said from behind me and I tensed when I realized who it was. "All Sam ever does is lie and push people away."

"Will you shut up!" I spun around to face Shawn, who had a bit of a black eye. Ryan probably got to him. Obviously I surprised him with my outburst - I even surprised myself with that - and he took a small step back before I continued. "What is your problem with me? I've never done anything to you!"

"I really thought I knew you, Sam," he said quietly. "But you're not that person. I trusted you."

I scoffed. "What, because I'm gay? What does me liking boys have anything to do with who I am? I've always been gay, it's not something I just decided on two weeks ago."

"No. It's the fact that you never told us. We were supposed to be best friends, Sam - the five of us did everything together. But to find out you've been fucking some guy behind our backs for however long you were was really a slap in the face."

I shook my head, not knowing what to say. How can he think that? It's not like I didn't want to tell them. I honestly just didn't know how to bring it up. And it's not like Shawn was the only one who didn't know. Jaime was the only one who did know, but even then, she hadn't known everything.

"My parents didn't know either, okay?" I said. "Nobody knew until it blew up in my face. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't know how to bring it up. It seemed like a serious topic and when were we ever having serious conversations?"

Shawn narrowed his eyes at me but didn't say another word before he was walking away. I felt exhausted after that, and I wasn't sure why. Why did he have to be so opinionated and hard-headed? I've always known Shawn was that type of person, but I've never had him turn that part of him on me before. Honestly, it was kind of scary.

Jaime place her hand on my arm again, reminding me that she was still here. "Are you okay?"

"I don't even know what just happened."

She gave me a small smile. "Who needs him, right? You have bigger things to worry about - like talking to Ryan."

I groaned, banging my head on the locker next to me. Why did she have to bring him up again? I would be quite happy forgetting about both of them right about now. It felt like Jaime was my only real friend at the moment, which sucked.

I really didn't want to talk to Ryan. Any outcome of that conversation was going to end badly. Whether he said he meant the kiss or not, it was going to leave me with a lot more questions than answers. I wasn't sure if I was ready to ask those questions, even to myself.