.''I hate you, I love you''.

-38-

Ashira's pov:

I was staring at the ceiling of my room, hands behind my head and a leg bent, mind wondering.

I told my mom's about me ting over maybe.... mom fainted and mama didn't believe I was Ashira for three days after that.

I sat up with a sigh, feet on the ground and elbows on knees as I up my head with my hands, now staring at the ground.

something.... I don't know what.... but something was keeping me up.

I stood up and walked to the window in my room and opened it, it made a horrendous cracking noise.... it's not that I barely use it but it is just that.

(the room in case you forgot)

I leaned against the edge and stared out it at the forest, at the few sentries walking around to make sure everyone was safe for any possible danger our world can hide from us.

I sighed yet again, I lost count for a while now, s night just seemed to pull on and on, the second refusing to pass.

I passed a hand on my face and picked up my phone from the table, checking how much time had really passed.

2:38

great, barely anything from last time I checked, I set it down again not moving after that, staring intently at the table's woodgrain.

my eyes slowly shifted, like they were moving on their own, and rested on my military uniform jacket.

I stood up straighter, still staring at it, it was covered in dust and in a thick layer too.... I hadn't touched it since I came back, burying the past underneath it and never to be unearthed.

"but nothing can be forgotten right?" I asked no one, the room a deadly silent like the dead.... like they came to join me right now.

I picked up the jacket, staring at it intensely before gently dusting it off and putting it on, glancing in the mirror I had.

I saw myself like I was right now before an image flashed before my eyes making me jerk back and hold on the chair behind me as I sat down, it was like suddenly.... the mirror.... it was like the whole scene changed, I saw blood dripping and splattered on the mirror with blood covering me, mostly my arm.... it was just a second, a flash, but it seemed like I had a lifetime to look at it.

I closed my eyes and laid my once injured arm and now good arm over my hair, taking deep breaths.... breath in.... breath out.... in..... out.... in....

I opened my eyes, the image never showing itself in the mirror again, no matter how long I stared, no matter how long I just stared without moving a muscle.

I finally.... finally looked away, my eyes shakily wondering back to the now uncovered box of dark wood.... filled with the painful memories.... with the medals...

I knew there was no sounds around me.... yet.... it felt like.... the box.... t-the box.... had voices... c-coming from it, pulling me closer.... and closer....

I was standing fast, sending the chair skidding backwards, breathing heavier as I could tell my eyes were twitching or something from the jittery vision.

I harshly grabbed the back and pressed it to my chest, stumbling back and falling in a sitting position.... as if.... someone had pushed me back but I knew then this.... it was my own reaction.... right? ghosts don't exist even in this world of ours right? right?! RIGHT?!?!

I didn't move for a while, sitting there and staring in to nothingness, eyes wide with tears dripping down my face, arms shakily but tightly holding this box filled with cursed memories I couldn't seem to let go.

slowly I forced one of my arms away from the box, it was shaking like a leaf as I was staring downward at the demon box.

and just like that, any resistance was gone and my arms dropped at my side while the container of memories fell on my lap.

I stared at it, eye glued to it like I would die if I ever looked away from it, the voices.... I'm not even sure they are not real right now, here in the room with me.... a drop of tear after another falling on its polished surface.

I rested my hands on the side of the box and stopped moving yet again.

throat tight as I flipped the locking mechanism on each side.

I reached out and opened it barely before freezing.... can.... can I really do this? I let the cover fall back closed with a small thud.

I closed my eyes, teeth gritted, it felt like this box held all my pain, burning the skin where it touched it, drinking up my tears hungrily and whispering memories in my ears.

"shut up!!!" I yelled at nothing and it echoed in the silent room.... but.... but how was it that it was.... was even more.... more quiet?

I opened my eyes before they widened, now I notice it.... there is like a faint, barely visible blueish glow filtering through between the top and bottom of the box.

I set it next to me, intrigued more than troubled, I slowly gripped the top and flipped the lid open.

I jerked back with a small scream when what looked like a firefly almost hit me in the face.

I looked around.... wait a second.... fireflies don't glow blue.... an sure as heck never opened the box.

I stood up in a haste, looking around, counting.

"1! 2.... 3 and 4!...... 5 6 7.... 8.... a-and 9" I whispered in the end.... nine dead man.... nine fireflies.

my hair covered my eyes as more sobs shook my body and I slammed my window open....

one by one.... the fireflies flew out to disappear in the forest.... the last one did a little twirl in front of my face before flying out, following the others while my eyes followed them.

I heard a knock on my door.

"it's open" it was Dash.

"are you alright?" I smiled and wiped away the tears with a small smile.

"yeah"

"you can tell us if something is up you know right?" he hugged me while saying that, I hugged back, looking at the box of photos and medals with a smile.

"I know.... you can say.... the ghost of my past finally set me free" I whispered.... I guess ghosts are still here.... no matter if our world is already strange, there is a lot more things even we don't know about.