The broken bulimic

Part 8: Details, details

I frown at myself, "So ugly," I snack my stomach and watch it ripple. I was so bloated and filled with regret. "I can't believe it, I did it again and I'd told myself not to." My dad had locked the bathroom door around 8 or so once I'd taken my last pee break.
He said I should eat and believe me I followed his orders. I layer on my bed after an hour of eating and stare at my swollen stomach. It was hurting and I didn't like it.
"Dee, when I said to eat. That is not what I meant." "Ugh it hurts."
"Look You've got to start all over again, re learning the food groups. Cakes and chips are a snack not a meal." I frown "But we don't have any apples or salads here."
He sighs "Tomorrow we will, you can eat honey but your body needs the vitamins you're not getting from those empty calories."
I didn't want to hear this but I knew it was true. I feel a tear run down my face. "I try to watch my calories but I can't. It always blows over and I feel like I haven't had enough. I want to be full but even when I am if I see that there's a couple hundred left I go for it and then once they're gone I feel even more hungry. "
He sighs "because honey your body needs fiber, and vegetables but you eat too many carbs."
My eyebrows scrunch in confusion. "Too many carbs?" He nods "Too many carbs, simple or complex make you tired. That's why you want to sleep right now, and so eating fruits and vegetables can give you energy and make you feel full for fewer calories."
I growl "Dad I heard all this in health class " he nods "I know but believe me because of the research I've done I know your going to need to watch your food intake, that nurse is going to give you a caloric limit. You've got to follow it to get better."
I feel myself tear up "but dad! I can't! I can't control myself, it's hard because once temptation hurts me I'm gone and then I have no sort of resistance and I'm left bloated and unhappy." (Authors note: this is exactly what I struggle with at the moment, if it is possible can anyone give me some sort of answer to help me out. Currently my dad doesn't know I do this , unlike Delilah's but my mother and grandmother do. So my eating disorder takes its worst form at my dads, because I don't know how to tell him.)
"But look honey, everyone messes up it's how you bounce back that makes you feel better."
I'm confused "huh?" "Let's talk more about this tomorrow, the nurse can help more than I can."
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"Her diaphragm is in need of healing so I think that watching her after she eats is a good idea,"
The nurse was skinny she was gorgeous and this made me so jealous.
"Oh really?" I sneer and she nods kindly ignoring my insult. "Yes dear, and no more late night eating. That is the time where your dad is asleep and can't help you so this is where the locks come in. You're allowed a pee break and then your father is woken up if  you need to go again, he can make sure you don't purge."
My father speaks "she's only staying with me for the next month or so, she'll be with her mother again soon. You may want to see her too about this."
The nurse nods "I can schedule an appointment with miss Jones as well."
I sit silently as they decide how I live for me, "What say do I have in this?"
The nurse smiles "you get to choose if you're going to let your family help you out or have the clinic ladies help you."
I growl "that's crazy! Lady you're not helping! Do you have any idea what I'm going through! It hurts to not be able to control myself!" She smiles synthetically "Do you know how many patiences I see each day with your problem?"
I frown "Don't compare me with them! " she smiles "About all the girls I see have an eating disorder honey, and yours is very common. People don't talk about it but they over eat all the time, most don't throw it up but that's where the true problem comes. Bingeing alone is dangerous for the heart and your health, for those (authors note: me! :D) who are struggling with this it's important to help them. So Delilah will you let us help?"
I feel tears stream my face "Nathan, he wanted to help but your all taking him away from me."
My dad speaks "  it's good to have a friend honey , but for him to worry about you is something that shouldn't be his problem."
"He helps me! He...he tried to."
"For your own good I think homeschooling is the best option now because of the seriousness."
"I'm a prisoner...."
The nurse smiles "you'll be batter soon." We walk out of the room.
I cry "I'll never be the skinny girl."
My dad sighs "That's not the problem here." Through the double doors.
"I'm just the girl with the eating disorder."
My dad frowns "Your broken right now, your a broken bulimic girl and you need help." 
"It's so painful." 
The car door shuts.
"Your my only daughter,"
Onto the freeway we go,
"And you're the only parent who loves me."