The broken bulimic

Part 14: the doctor

"Dee! Come here!" My mother screams from the bottom of the stairs. Feeling that pang of fear I slide out of bed and stand.
"Gosh child! You going to sleep all day?" It was 8 in the morning and I already felt bad.
"What do you need?" I say while subconsciously rolling my eyes.
"Fix breakfast. Your grandmother and papa are in the garden and I have to go meet a friend."
I sigh and shuffle into the kitchen. "Any requests?" She ignores the question and applies foundation.
I beat five eggs and chop onions along with bell peppers and mushrooms.
Grabbing the ham and cheese, I cook everyone an omelet with fried ham and start on toast.
After it's done I set it all out. I watch as my grandfather walks out of the bedroom and stretches "Goodmorning Dee," he smiles and looks at the food. "Thank you for cooking." He sits alongside my grandmother who thanked me too. They begin to eat and I watch my mom put on another 7 layers of eyeshadow, lipstick and some more foundation. once she's satisfied with her appearance she sat down. "Nice, runny but...."she takes a bite of egg "Acceptable"
I nod and take up plates washing the dishes. My grandmother smiles at me "so Dee any plans today?" "I think I'll just be out with my b-....friend." She slowly nods "Boyfriend?" She laughs and I shake my head frantically "No wait hold on!"
"You've got a boyfriend then?" My mother pokes her bell pepper on her plate. She nods and goes back to her food .
"Nathan and I are just-" my mother speaks up "A fling?" I pause "No...were closer than that."
I let her insult slip away and step outside. I breathe in the fresh air, I had a doctors appointment today.
If was a simple requirement although I knew that they would be sure to double check given my past.
After a quick walk I get the keys from my mother and am allowed to go, it took so long to convince her to let mr drive because of the incident with the tree, although we both know I'm well fed now.
Since I'm going to be here for the next school year, so my mother can watch me...or at least pretend she is, I figured I should be able to drive to small places.
Pulling up into the office driveway, I feel that queasy feeling you always do once you're seeing someone who knows more about you than you do.
Stepping inside I smell the cleaning products, and a slight hint of peppermint that I've come to associate with a doctor's office.
I have newfound dreams to be a RN and hopefully work in somewhere like this.
"Delilah Jones" the nurse calls my name after signing in and waiting a bit. I set my copy of glamor beauty down and follow her.
After taking my blood pressure and checking weight which I didn't look at, and height, I sit and wait for the actual doctor to arrive, the nurse pops in and takes some blood to sample testing on. Waiting another 10 minutes I listen to the noise of elevator music and try to identify all the tools on the nearby desk.
  "Hello miss jones, how're you?" The doctor comes in and shuts the door quietly. I smile "I'm okay, how're you?" "I'm fine"
He sits and holds his clip board. "Your heart and blood pressure are stable, you are doing well, you say you have a past with an eating disorder?"
I nod not telling him that it's current was my choice.
"And how long did your Anorexia Nervosa case last?" "Around a year give or take."
  He nods and scribbles some stuff down in messy doctor handwriting that hurts my eyes.
"How about how, ads you still suffering any symptoms?" I shake my head "I'm fine now..."
He nods and writes more.
I sit in boredom for the next few minutes as he continues asking questions. Suddenly the nurse pops her head in.
"Uh doctor a moment please?" He stands "yes of course, excuse me please."
I nod and let him leave. Figuring it's probably another patient problem or something I read a magazine.
After around 5 minutes the doctor followed by a nurse comes in. "Miss Jones, would you mind if we take one more sample of blood?"
I get nervous, these are my bodily fluids we're talking about. "It's completely safe, we promise."
I let them and sit again in silence as they analyze it.
The doctor comes in agin, his cheerfulness not as noticeable this time.
"Did you find anything?" I ask curious and he sits slowly. "Miss Jones, you say your anorexia case was severe? " I nod slowly "Somewhat...why?"
He sighs "We've analyzed your blood, and done several other tests and I'm sorry to say that your infertile."
My eyes widen. "W-what? I'm what?"
The doctor speaks "I'm so sorry miss Jones. " I sit back in shock.
"I can't have c-children?" It's been a small dream of mine to one day marry and have at least 2 kids. One boy and one girl.
I'd dress up my little girl in bows and dresses and my boy in ties and tuxes.
I feel my eyes well up in tears. "But I've wanted children for a while now. Maybe not now but...when I'm married to..."
Nathan...me and him had had small talks about life and children. We agreed to one day have children, if we  married.
He had wanted a little boy and me a girl....it sounds unrealistic as a high schooler but imagine how much it affects your life in 20 years.
"So when I'm married and want kids I won't...I can't.."
"Miss Jones I'm sorry, but there are other options-" "Why? How?"
I had never been told this before so why now.
"Your case of anorexia was so severe that it cause your infertility to happen."
I sit in shock. My fault....because I wanted and still want to be thin. It won't let me go, even if it's been a year since then even that now I'm eating right....it's just relentless.
Eating away at every part of me until there's nothing...
Heading home I drive my mind numb thinking of how I could possibly tell my mother or grandparents.
It's my fault, mine and now I've cost the lives of my possible children.