Him

chapter 25

It was 8am when I woke up to myself screaming.

I had the same nightmare again. Except this one felt like it would happen. All I could think about was Ethan telling me to breathe and calm down. That made me freak out even more. 

The fact that Ethan was in a relationship with another girl made me uneasy and nauseated. I felt like a slut. I felt useless and dirty. I couldn't undertsand how Someone could hurt me like that. Hurt me to the point where I broke down and started crying. I hated this feeling.

Every ache in my chest reminded me of yesterday, when it all went to hell. Betrayal and lies filled the atmosphere around me that day and I'm still drowning in it. I feel like I can't breath, and I need to resurface or I'll die.

I tried to forget about it, thinking it would help me, but it made it worse.

I looked over at my nightstand and checked the time. 8:15. Then I noticed a box with a bow on it.

" sorry bumblebee about Ethan. Hope all is well. Thought you could use this." The note red and I opened the box. A new phone.

I unlocked it and it was up to date. All my contacts and apps were transferred from my old one to this. When I came across my messages I noticed I had over 60. Damn. I ignored it and started scrolling through instagram.

That's when I came across a post of Ethan and this blonde chick. Obviously Makayla. I stared at the photo for more than i should have.

Feeling sick to my stomach and my eyes burning and releasing a single tear down my cheek. I turned off my phone and placed it on the side of my bed. I held my head in my hands and took a breath.

Why? Why did this have to happen to me? I should have not fallen for some boy I met right when I got here. What was the point. Whatever we had, was it really love. Or did he just want to get in my pants. He seemed to be so caring and loving. So gentle and honest. Welp the honest part not so much.

He lied. Straight to my face. Without concern. And i was so blind to not notice. Why didn't I realize that a boy like Ethan would never end up with me? That maybe it wasnt meant to be.

But instead I let a boy crack me. Break me. Turn me into a sobbing mess. For what though? Why did I let this happen? Was I this weak? Or was I strong? Weak for letting this hurt me? Or strong for ending it and trying to let go?

It was chaos. The whole day, I spent in my room, staring at the wall or crying.   Laying in bed, on my phone looking at the same picture of E and Makayla. He looked happy. But a part of him also looked sad. I could see it in his eyes. Though it was only a picture. I could tell. But why would he be upset? He fucked me over.

I needed to let go. I needed to forget. But how could I in 2 days. I would have to see him again on Monday. And face him. Trying to hold in the tears and hold back the sobs.

I pray that something will change, that ill find a way to fix the whole in my heart. Somehow.