Him

chapter 35

Depression... It hurts... A lot.

Fear... It builds up inside you... A lot.

Heartbreak... It destroys you... From the inside out.

It's hard to understand, to fully grasp, that someone who put you into this world... Was ripped away form you... And you will never see them again.

It's hard.... To deal with death.... To deal with being alone... To deal with feeling sad... Feeling, empty.

But I can't imagine... The feeling of losing someone you shared your heart with.. your soul with.. and your life with. Losing someone you fell in love with, and having to deal with the damaging emotional pain that radiates throughout your body. Reminiscing on every good memory you shared, and breaking down when you remember the sad ones.

Not being able to wrap your head around what has happened, and trying to force yourself to think they are with you still... Even when they are not.

-

I sit in my room for hours. Not moving, not making a sound. I shut out everything... Ignoring family and friends that mourn together down the hall, and talk among themselves of the good times they shared with my mother. I just can't bear it.

I just stare at the blank wall, and try to conceal my emotions. Just try to not think about it.

Go numb! Go numb! GO FUCKING NUMB.. AGAIN!!!

But I can't help but break down... And just fucking cry.

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Ethan's POV

Its been a day since I've spoke to Grayson... And as well as Ana. Fuck how can I?

Im still fill with anger... Still want to break Graysons fucking jaw ... But I know I can't.

Kissed? They just "kissed"? How the fuck do I know they didn't take it further?! Hell it's fucking GRAYSON! He fucks any bitch he wants... But he would NOT fuck ana... And I know she would NOT fuck him... Right?

I run my fingers through my hair and try to calm down but I can't seem to. I held in my anger when Ana was here and I need to let it out.

I grab the closest thing next to me and Chuck it across the room.  And there starts a train. I grab my lamp and throw it on the floor, I knock my speakers off he shelf and throw the table next to my bed to the side.

I punch the wall and kick the door so hard I kick a whole through it and it splits and breaks almost in half.

I breathe heavy and soon enough Grayson barges through the  broken door.

"What the fuck?!" He screamed and I know up to him and slammed him against the wall.

"Ethan calm the fuck down!" He says and pushes me off of him. I step back and glare at him and he stiffens.

"Look, I get it your still mad... But it was one second kiss, it meant nothing." He said and I could tell he was lying... About the last part anyway. "Nothing? It meant nothing right? Did it mean nothing to her or to you?" I pressed and he swallowed hard.

"Did you two..." I say deeply and his eyes go wide. "What the fuck no! I would never ever fuck a girl who you like." He says angrily and I know he is telling the truth, so I calm down a bit.

I sit down on my bed and crack my knuckles an breath. "E?" I hear Grayson say calmly and I nod, eyes closed and I breathe slowly as hold my head in my hands. "Anas... Anas mom..." He stutters and I am immediately paying attention.

"Anas mom what?" I say and stand up and he sighs.

"Anas mom is... Dead..." He whispers the last word and I stop breathing. I stop fidgeting... I stop everything.

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A/n:

So um yeah that's the chapter, sorry it's lame but I suck ass at writing so yea.

Anyways hope you enjoyed and I will try update soon.

Xoxox motherfuckers, peace 🖤

- your fellow depressed virgin