Almost Everything | on hold

14 | The Glass Shatters [pt1]

[14 | The Glass Shatters pt1]

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Theodore has always been one to put in extra effort to appeal to people. A people's pleaser, one would say. That's a fact that he can't even argue on himself. It's always been like this, him trying to fit in and impress everyone, even when he knew that no matter what he did he could never quite make people like him and be easy around him for some godforsaken reason unbeknownst to him. He wishes he could say that he isn't like that anymore and that after falling into a good bunch of people he's lucky to call friends, he finally realized that he didn't need people's validation anymore. Except that's not the case, and Theodore has never been one to lie to himself about things he knew to be true.

So as he puts on the new outfit and shoes Dalia has picked out for him when they went shopping last night in search of the "edgiest" outfit as Dalia liked to put it, he decides that it's okay to sometimes lock your true self in a closet and try a different look. That it's okay to shed your own skin for a new colorful one that you know will make you feel more accepted. It's not like he's changing himself to appeal to other people. He's just adapting, even if his first pair of shorts that reach his knees and Gucci belt make him feel like that famous meme that's been circulating on Twitter lately of some guy (who kinda looks like a douche) with his hands clasped infront of him.

By the time Theodore has finished dressing up, the sun has already set down and he almost freaks out about not going to Isla's house so they can take a cab together to the party before he remembers that she had texted him earlier, informing him that there's no need for him to come over since she'll meet him there anyway. In doing so, she approved his theories of her still being mad at him for the words he threw at her that day in the school field trip.

Theodore would like nothing but to apologize and have things go back to sunshine and flowers between them. Except he doesn't want to take back what he said and he doesn't feel like he has said anything wrong. While Isla might've seen herself as the knight in shinning armour to him, it still doesn't mean that she gets to make decisions for him when he is more than capable of doing so himself. It's like between trying to protect him and being his friend, she has turned more into the mother he never knew he didn't want. In other words, suffocating.

She means well, he believes that wholeheartedly. But ever since the accident she's been coddling him, giving him these soft eyes m and tip toeing around him to the point where it has started to get annoying. Theodore is weak and insecure and a whole lot of pathetic but everytime she so much as treated him as a child who knew no better, the more it angered him. Because he doesn't want to be that to her, he doesn't want to be the one who's always leaning on her and he doesn't want to be a weakling. Theodore wants to be all sorts of things, but being the confident, funny, strong guy, to Isla is something he wants more than anything. Right now he feels like small and weak and trying to be someone he's not.