Almost Everything | on hold

22 | A Door Closes and Another One Opens

[22 | A Door Closes and Another One Opens]

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"I'm sorry." It's all Theodore says — it's all he can really say if he's being honest — before he slams the door shut in their faces and runs past the living room, the worried glances of his friends, all the way up to his bedroom and into his bathroom where he pukes his guts out. Even after so, his stomach keeps hurling and his throat keeps threatening to combust. Theodore can only breath hardly and crouch over the toilet. Just in case his nerves act up again, just in case the swirl of shock and confusion and hurt comes rushing down to his stomach and making his insides just go. Like when you see the people you love or when you finally face the final you've been worrying over for so long now.

He doesn't think about why his brother is here or why he's here with his girlfriend of all people, or even where he's been all of this time — when Theodore needed him the most. He can't think about that. Or else he'll start thinking about how unfair it is for everyone in his family to have found happiness when he was lonely before. And then his thoughts will gloss over the fact that maybe it's his horrible stammering and lack of communication that put them off. And then Theodore will freak out, break out in cold sweat, and think horrifying, horrible thoughts that would only result in a panic attack. Which is something he can't afford anymore. Not now, with his brother finally here. Not infront of him.

"Theodore, are you okay?" Comes Isla's gentle and worried voice from across the closed bathroom door. He closes his eyes and removes himself from infront of the toilet seat and leans against the bathroom wall instead, his long legs sprawled infront of him.

When he doesn't answer, Isla goes silent. He thinks she must've left until she speaks out softly again.

"I won't let them in if you don't want me to. Just say the words."

But he can't say the words, no matter how much he needs to, knowing well enough that his brother doesn't deserve being welcomed back with open arms. But it's not what Theodore wants to do. What he wants, is to have a loving relationship with his brother. What he wants, is a brother who's there at all times. And so his wants end up eclipsing his needs, and with it his common sense as well.

He figures Isla and everyone must be wondering where he is and who the newcomers are. He can't really stay cooped up in here forever anyway.

"Yeah. Yeah, let them-let them in. I'll-I'll-I'll be downstairs in a m-m-minute." The words come out anything but reassuring and confident like he aimed for them to be.

Outside of the bathroom, Isla hovers, not knowing whether to come in or give him the space he needs. In the end, she decides to rest her hand against the closed door and whisper, "I'm sorry." For what you're going through; because I don't know how to be there for you.