America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 1)

Episode 2: Second Attempt at Being a Dick

Previously on 50☆Stars: Ohio's first tourism commercial didn't go so well. Thus, he was forced to go back to the drawing board. And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

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"... Well, what do you think?" Ohio turns his attention to Michigan.

"... I don't know whether to love it or hate it," she mutters. "First off, Detroit isn't that bad."

"Detroit is shit."

"So is Cleveland."

"..."

"..."

"Can we both agree both cities are currently pieces of shit?"

"... No."

"... We're not Detroit!"

"Fuck you!"

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It was 1636. Rhode Island was born a dick.

"Massachusetts!"

Massachusetts turns around to see a small child with black, spiky hair standing on a hill. The child gives him the middle finger.

"Fuck the Pilgrims! Your religion sucks! And witches aren't real!" the child yells as he runs away.

From that point onward, Rhode Island was banned from stepping foot in Massachusetts's house ever again.

~ Hetalia! ~

It was 1776. Rhode Island continued to be a dick.

"Hey, Eyebrows!"

England opens the front door to see a Rhode Island standing in front of him. The child gives him the middle finger.

"Fuck you! I'm free now! And those eyebrows make you ugly!" the child yells as he runs away.

"Why you, bloody git! Come back here!"

From that point onward, Rhode Island was free to do whatever he pleased.

~ Hetalia! ~

It was 1787. Rhode Island continued to be a dick.

"Hey, Pennsylvania!"

Pennsylvania turns around to see Rhode Island standing at the doorway. She smiles. "I'm glad you could-"

"Fuck you! Fuck this convention! I'm going home!" He walks away with both middle fingers in the air.

"What's his problem?" She turns to Delaware for an answer.

"Just Rhode Island being a dick to everyone," he grumbles.

"Typical..."

From that point onward, Rhode Island remained a dick among the Original Thirteen. He eventually signed the Constitution and admitted to becoming a state. Nevertheless, he was still a dick.

~ Hetalia! ~

It was 1920. Rhode Island continued to be a dick.

"Fuck Prohibition! What do you expect to drink during football Sundays? Water? Hahahahaha!" he scoffs at the law.

Virginia frowns. "Please, Rhodie. Less alcohol means a better society with less crime, less violence, and less corruption."

"Say that again ten years later," he snickers. "By the way, I won't ratify that stupid amendment. Connecticut, are you with me on this?"

"... I'll think about it."

"Not you, too."

~ Hetalia! ~

It was 2001. Rhode Island embraced being a dick. Literally.

"Okay, team!" the basketball coach rallies the players together during their last timeout. "One minute left on the clock until game! We're down by 8 points. It's going to be close, but as long as we make our shots, we'll win! Alright? Let's do this!"

"Yeah! Go Balls!" The players cheer and clap as they run back to the court.

The crowd goes wild as many fans of the Rhode Island School of Design cheer for their team. Waddling along the side is their unofficial mascot: a seven-foot, phallic symbol whose scrotum jiggles with every step it makes. And guess who's in the costume?

"When the heat is on, the Balls stick together! Go Balls!" Rhode Island hollers.

"... What the fuck is Rhode Island?" Connecticut questions as he watches the tiny state make a fool out of himself.

"Suck my balls!" Rhode Island taunts the other team who uncomfortably look away from the giant penis.

Thus, that concludes the history of Rhode Island as a dick!

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+ Continuing from the first episode is the second video related to Cleveland's mock tourism commercial (for some reason I couldn't link the original video onto Wattpad).

+ Honestly, I always saw Rhode Island as a smartass who never ceases to amaze me. Other Hetalia OC creators may have different views of the tiny state. Overall, I quite like Rhode Island for being a bit of a rebel.

- 1636: Roger Williams, the founder of Rhode Island, was forced out of the Massachusetts Colony.

- 1776: Rhode Island was the first to declare its independence from Great Britain two months before the Declaration of Independence was signed.

- 1787: Rhode Island was the only state among the Original Thirteen who refused to attend the Constitutional Convention due to disagreeing with a bigger government.

- 1920: Rhode Island (and Connecticut to an extent) was the only state not to ratify the 18th amendment (Prohibition). People from the state hated the amendment, but "complied" to an extent.

- 2001: The Rhode Island School of Design unofficially adopted Scrotie, a seven-foot penis, as their mascot (the picture above shows the original Scrotie on the left and the new, current Scrotie on the right). Before Scrotie, their sports teams' names and slogans were named after scrotums, the hockey team is known as the Nads ("Go Nads!" is their slogan), and their basketball team is known simply as the Balls. Fun fact: this school's alma mater of Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane.

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