America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 1)

Episode 40: Tardar Sauce

"Meow~ Basking on the balcony after breakfast is the best~"

Marylico cat loves the sun's warmth. She isn't allowed to leave the house, but that's fine with her. She isn't too fond of worrying her owner with her disappearance. After all, her owner adores her very much. She gives her the most delicious food as well as provide her with much love and attention. It won't be right to cause her distress. Besides, she can always admire the outside world from the safety of the balcony.

She curls up into a ball and closes her eyes. Just as she's about to drift off to a dreamy island full of crabs and cat toys, a stranger's purr forces her eyes awake. She stares up at a Snowshoe cat sitting on top of the railing.

"I see you're enjoying yourself," the Snowshoe purrs in amusement.

"Meow~ What do you want, Pussyvania?"

"It's PUSS-sylvania!" the Snowshoe bristles with a wagging tail. "To answer your question, I'm here to inform you about a funeral at Abysona's house."

"A funeral?" Her whiskers twitch. "Whose funeral?"

"A cat named Tardar Sauce."

"Tardar Sauce? What's so special about a cat named after a condiment? A very delicious one I may add."

"Apparently, she's famous in this place called the Internet."

"Are you going?"

"As a Snowshoe cat, the death of a fellow Snowshoe is of great importance to me."

She yawns and stretches. "Well, I can't go whether I want to or not. I hate to upset my owner."

She purrs, "Alrighty then. I'll be away for some days." She leaps off the balcony.

Marylico proceeds to clean her fur. She stops midway at a terrible realization. "Did she just fall from the second story building?" She looks down the balcony with terrified eyes.

☆☆☆☆☆

"Today, we mourn for the loss of a special kitty known as Tardar Sauce," says Abysona, an Abyssinian cat from Arizona.

She speaks to a clowder of cats who have gathered behind the home of the deceased. Friends of the dead comfort the relatives. Curious strays offer their prayers. Queens bow their heads in respect. Their kittens frolic around the sandstone gardens, indifferent to the funeral's somber atmosphere. One of the celebrities, Lil Bub, takes the death of her fellow dwarf in classic Hemingway fashion: sulking with a bowl of milk at their poly-toed feet. Obviously, Tardar Sauce's departure has left everyone in a grumpy mood.

Even Abysona is having a hard time trying to uplift their spirit above the sorrow. Despite such pestering emotions, she wills herself to give her eulogy to those in attendance. "Many cats and humans knew Tardar Sauce when she became famous in this place called the Internet. They knew her as Grumpy Cat, a mean-looking cat that loved to make snarky comments. For some reason, that made a lot of humans laugh. Even though Tard wasn't the type of cat to be grumpy, she went along with it. And just like that, she became famous before her first birthday.

"It was fun," she once told me after returning from a book signing in Los Angeles. She couldn't read, obviously. But she figured her mommy must've wrote some good things about her. She knew it was good because a lot of humans came to the bookstore to buy her books. She remembered seeing their faces when they saw her. It was all good. They petted her, took photos of her, it was tiring, but she had fun she told me.

Out of all her trips, one of her favorite places was Austin, Texas. First class flights, a private hotel room with a king-sized bed, a personal assistant, and a chauffeur, all of that was nice. But then she told me she got unlimited Friskies Savory Shreds for free. For free! Like, she's so lucky! All of that for her to take six hundred photos with a bunch of strangers. Meow~ She even got a vampire falling for her. Like, how cool is that!

She was everywhere. Commercials, magazines, talk shows, news shows, a singing contest, a reality TV dating game, her face was plastered all over the place. She even got to watch a bunch of humans wrestle in front of her. "It was weird, but it was still a fun experience," she told me..." Her eyes stare solemnly at the clowder.

"... If I could, I would give her one of my lives, so she could continue travelling, making humans laugh wherever she went," she says in a saddened voice. "Her frown has made millions smile on a daily basis. Though her death has brought a scowl on her faces today, for her sake," a small smile appears on her face, "let us smile tomorrow, so she can see us smile from heaven once again." She bows her head. "Rest in peace, Tardar Sauce. Rest in peace."

~ Nekotalia! ~

Many eulogies later, the funeral comes to an end at dusk. Few cats remain to pay their respects. Pussylvania and the rest of the Fur Corners Gang wait on Abysona to say her goodbyes to Pokey, one of Tardar Sauce's littermates.

"I still can't believe Grumpy Cat died this soon. Seven years is too short," says Utom.

"The world won't be the same without Grumpy Cat," says New Rexico.

"Yeah..." Catorado agrees. "I wonder who'll take her place."

Pussylvania cocks her head. "What do you mean?"

"I heard many cats are trying to become the next Grumpy Cat."

"Impawsible." New Rexico frowns. "Grumpy Cat is too iconic to be replaced."

"True, but that won't stop frowny-faced felines from trying."

"It kinda seems wrong to replace Grumpy Cat. The original one, I mean..." Utom mumbles.

"I get what you mean," New Rexico sides with him.

"I think it's inevitable," says Catorado. "Humans love cats, so it kinda makes sense they'll try to find another Grumpy Cat that'll make them happy again. I can't blame them for feeling this way."

He sighs. "I guess there's nothing wrong with bringing a smile on people's faces."

Pussylvania purrs. "I like to think Tardar Sauce feels honored having a successor carry the torch."

"Or, she might not care," Catorado chuckles.

His friends chuckle with him, clearing the gloom with smiles instead of scowls on their faces.

May Tardar Sauce aka Grumpy Cat rest in peace.

☆☆☆☆☆

+ Prior to Internet stardom, Tardar Sauce was an 'ordinary' cat from Morristown, Arizona. She was born with feline dwarfism and an underbite, resulting in a small cat with short legs and a permanent frown on its flat face. Despite the cat's grumpy appearance, "ninety-nine percent of the time she is just a regular cat," according to her owner.

- On September 22, 2012, the owner's brother posted a photo of Tardar Sauce on Reddit. The image went viral and became the Internet meme known as Grumpy Cat. Since becoming Internet famous, Tardar Sauce and her owner would make various media appearances as well as promote their own brand.

+ Sadly, on May 17, 2019, Tardar Sauce's owner announced on social media the death of Grumpy Cat following complications from a urinary tract infection. It was a sad day on the Internet. For many years, the cat's cynical frown had lifted the spirits of many people. Even after death, Grumpy Cat would continue to live on in memes and the hearts of millions.

+ For this special episode, I decided to base it on Nekotalia. Having looked the subject up before writing the episode, I didn't want to simply call them "Maryland cat" or "Pennsylvania cat". Overall, I hope to do more episodes on Nekotalia in the future.

~

Feel free to vote and/or comments any thoughts on the episode here.