America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 1)

Episode 10: Provinces vs. States

The Canadian Provinces: a strange land full of friendly, moose fuckers and maple syrup maniacs. Like the 50 States of America, there are people who represent these provinces, ten to be exact.

"Who are the Canadian Provinces?" one who's not familiar with them may ask. Or, any American for that matter.

Well, here's your answer according to the American states who are familiar with their neighbors in the North:

"Ontario? He's like me but without my popularity. So, not that important. Also, the Leafs are shit," says New York.

"I love Quebec! Her poutine is the best!" Vermont nods. "Let's see... I guess if I have to point out a flaw... She's a bit of a French snob. And I'm part French!"

"Yeah. Maine and I often piss off Nova Scotia a lot," Massachusetts recalls. "If you want to know what she's like, she's basically another Scotland. That's her name, right? New Scotland but Canadian. Yeah. That's what she is."

"Oh, right. New Brunswick exists..." Maine chuckles in an awkward manner.

"Manitoba is pretty nice once you get to know him." Minnesota smiles. "He may seem cold at first, but he's a good person once he gets past his shyness."

"British Columbia is a total weeaboo," says Washington. "Like, imagine Oregon with Colorado's obsession with weed, California's love for Asia and movies, and some maple syrup. That's British Columbia."

"Prince Edward Island, what a name." Idaho sighs. "Since he likes potatoes, I guess he's cool in my book."

"Saskatchewan?" North Dakota shrugs. "My sister called her Sasquatch one time, and she refused to talk to my sister ever since."

"Alberta and I are pretty close friends," says Montana. "Wyoming tells me he has a crush on me although I think he's pulling my leg."

"Newfoundland and Labrador..." Oregon mumbles with a finger to her bottom lip. "... I honestly know more about their dogs than them." She hides her face in shame. "... I'm a terrible person."

☆☆☆☆☆

It all began when Michigan opened her big mouth. "You suck!" she yelled across the lake.

Not long after she said that, Ontario responded from his side of the lake. "You suck as well!"

And that was the beginning of the Canada-USA rivalry.

"You challenged the Canadian Provinces to a hockey match?" New York gave her the stink eye.

Michigan nodded with a clenched fist. "They provoked us first!"

"Really? The Canadians?"

"Does it matter?"

"I mean..."

"We need to prove our dominance by winning against them in a hockey game."

"And, how does this involve me?"

"Our team needs six players to compete against them." She pointed a finger at him. "And I'm choosing you to be our goaltender!"

"And the rest of our players?"

"Well, I'm playing, obviously," she explained. "Minnesota is also playing because she's, by far, the best among all of us in the sport. Massachusetts is also playing, and Connecticut agreed to play as well, only because Massachusetts is playing. And because Illinois is busy doing stuff for the Mob, I had to replace him with Wisconsin which isn't that big of a loss. And if you joined us, we basically got our team."

New York took a moment to consider her plan. "... Is money involved in this?"

"Um... No, b-but we do win and prove America is better than Canada! Plus, our pride is at stake, so you better join us, or else we'll be labelled as losers for the rest of our lives! To Canadians, no less!"