America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 1)

Episode 34: Peepza

The Peepocalypse began in 1953.

Prior to that dreaded year, the fluffy candy known as Peeps was an endangered species in the genus: marshmallow. These two to three inch lumps of pure sugar were close to extinction due to their tedious reproductive system. Unlike most candies that produce multiple offspring, Peeps were produced one at a time. Peeps must be perfectly handcrafted in order for them to be adopted into their new homes. As such, it would take as long as 27 HOURS to prepare a SINGLE fucking bastard! It was a monotonous process for many Peep breeders to the point it nearly caused the end of the species.

But then a candy entrepreneur by the name of Sam Born took over the company that made Peeps. He found the breeding program to be outdated, especially in an era that was making use of modern machinery. Without delay, he reorganized the Peeps breeding program, modernizing the factory by introducing specified machinery that not only made Peeps at a faster rate of six minutes per offspring, but it also reduced costs as well. In addition to that, he said, "Hey! Americans like sickening, fluorescent colors! Let's make some pink and yellow Peeps, and see how well they do on the market!" And with that, the Peeps population made a rebound toward popularity, saving the species from extinction.

But little did the American public knew the dark truth about Peeps...

☆☆☆☆☆

Pennsylvania@penny-steeler

🐤 + 🍕 = 😍

Not long after Pennsylvania posted her latest 'invention' on Twitter, her tweet swiftly got a ton of responses.

California@goldengurl31

🐤 + 🍕 = 🤢 #gross

Michigan@thewolverine26

@penny-steeler

congrats you made pineapple on pizza look good

Illinois@coolguychicago

@penny-steeler

Why? Just... WHY?!?!

Connecticut@constitutionally-correct

I hate Peeps even more after seeing this.

Massachusetts@ultimate-masshole

I'm about to riot

New Jersey@nj-d3vil