The Hardest YOU Hart!

XIX CHAPTER: NON-TAKES AND HEARTBREAKS

Tessa and Nova are going to discuss her job after my shift ends. I must wait for her, but while they are talking, I am going to prepare something for my girl to celebrate her new position at the club. It is funny how far she was from being another caddie at one of the hugest and most rentable clubs in the west coast, when she was studying at the UCB Architecture school.

Or how opposite this job is to my career. However, it is going to be until the end of summer. From then, we should start to find ourselves and make whatever makes us truly happy.

Tonight, I am taking Nova out for dinner, and maybe have some drinks, too. Even though I dont know if she is in the mood to make a public appearance right after the issue at the Yacht Club the other night!

Only this time, it is going to be a bit different, because I have reserved a very private table at a special place where she told me she used to go with her dad when she was little. She enjoyed chocolate and strawberry milkshakes from here so much. It is a beautiful place, located in Los Angeles County, almost next to Beverly Hills. Shake 'n Stake!

I have bought her favorite flowers, sunflowers. I have a bouquet of them. Some candies and chocolates for her, her favorites of each. Also, a letter I started writing to her since the moment I realized I had feelings for her. It is a type of journal where I have put all my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions and sensations. Every little thing she awakes inside of me.

She could be the only one capable of externalize everything from my inner-self. I am sure I would not ever feel this way about anybody else, not right now, not in the nearest or farthest future.

I can admit it now that she has corresponded to each of those with her love, her actions, her commitment, her choices, her words, her thoughts and of course, her feelings. It is unbelievable how wrong I was the first time that I thought I was in love with Jason. This time is way too different because I am sure I am truly in love with Nova, and only she can make it change.

She makes me love her in her very own way. And it feels SO great! I am truly grateful for having her in my life. She is a huge blessing for me!

I remember my mother's words when she described her love towards my dad and vice versa. Every time I heard their stories, I always dreamed of having a type of relationship like the one they had. Loving and being loved the exact way, amount, they loved each other and still do, because real love is limitless, timeless, endless and can trespass frames, space, even death.

It is the most powerful force. It has the power to give you life, to make you strong, to feed you in levels you even cannot understand. When you have love, nothing else is missing. You realize you have everything that truly matters.

I still cannot believe I found this force in another girl. How strange life and the world can be. They surprise you in the most terrific ways. And then, make you so skeptic!

I remember uncle Jülien telling me one time, when he came back from Tanzania, something like this; "The biggest fear for human beings is receiving love. It is the biggest challenge to accept we want to be loved just the exact way we love. Love is a threat for the human ego, and ego is the highest barrier we have to destroy once we meet the one."

He is about 40 now, and he is still single. I bet he is afraid of finding someone who makes him want to settle down and spend the rest of his life with. He never has brought a girlfriend to introduce to the family, which means he has not found the one yet. Or my brother Jay!

The Bach boys are special, that is what my mom used to say. When Jay left to start a new life in another continent, she was not scared at all. She wanted us to be happy, all of us, including my dad. I wish she could be here with me right now, and tell me what she thinks of Nova. Sometimes I like to pretend she sent Nova to me, so I can be with someone who actually loves me.

God, I miss my mom a lot right now!

Nova reminds me of her so much. She has some things, expressions, gestures, ways my mom had. Am I confusing Nova's love with a maternal love? I do not know! And to be honest with you guys, I do not want to think about it.

I am sure I have not told you this before but, I have questioned myself about my feelings for her. Not because I am not convinced of what I feel for her, but the way society looks at our love. After the incident at the Yacht Club and with the situation of Geneva kicking Nova out of their home, I feel weak. I am really terrified about all this.

What would happen if people never let us be happy, build a new life together, get married, have and raise our kids? Because I would like to have a couple of them! A beautiful girl with Nova's golden curly hair, deep blue eyes, that gorgeous smile. I also want to have a boy with the Bach's genes. Am I crazy? Am I just dreaming, and dreaming in vain? I do not know! There are too many questions and no answers.

What would Nova think about all these insecurities that I have? I do not want to push her, rush her, to do or to be anything she does not want to be. I do not want to scare her or worse, hurt her! That would be devastating for the two of us.

The only thing I know right here, right now is that I LOVE HER, so intensely, so truly, madly, deeply. Oh god, I love that song, it has the lyrics I will use to talk about my love for Nova.

NOVA NEVER SHOWED UP AT OUR DATE! Probably she forgot about it. Maybe she is not ready to confront the world by my side. I was waiting for her about two hours at the local restaurant, with candles, balloons, flowers and chocolate milk shakes. She did not come. She did not call me and did not take my calls either.

I am confused! Probably more than ever. I took my bike to ride back home, thinking about this silly stuff. I am sure she will have a perfect excuse.

I put my bike inside the garage. And when I was about to come into the house, I got a phone call from Greggie. Something about my dad, I could not listen carefully. My mind is focused on what I am looking at right now through the window. Nova and Jordan are making out in my living room, on my couch.

...OUCH!