alive ↠ hs

.37

Saige's POV

I looked down at my once white dress that was now covered in dirt and blood, staining it a dark, crimson color.

The Doctors forced me to go home and sleep. I didn't want to, I wanted to stay to make sure that everyone made it, that I was there in case something went wrong. I didn't want anyone else to die.

But finally, they got me to go home. I stripped of my dress, tossing it towards the trash before taking a shower. 

Like always, my mind slowly drifted towards Harry, the stupid green bottle of shampoo reminding me of those beautiful emerald eyes.

I smiled at the thought of his smile, his laugh before frowning at the thought his brokenness. The sight of him breaking in front of me was enough to kill me. The thought of the suffering he went through when he was killed make my stomach churn.

James had plagued the way I thought of Harry. Instead of remembering all the memories he gave me like when we met, when I wore his sweatshirt, the trusty bond that formed between us, our first kiss, it was all overshadowed by the way I thought of his death.

I would hear him screaming as they killed him. Either with knives or Z's, whichever came quicker, I assume. His beautiful eyes were not black holes of pain as his laugh echoed into screams. His beautiful feature were now scrunched up with pain as he was murdered.

I shook my head, blinking away the images. I couldn't remember who he was. What we used to be. All I could see is how he was stripped away from me.

A choked sob left my mouth as I slid to the floor, letting the water fall over me like the tears that fell from my eyes. I miss his love. I miss his eyes. I miss his laugh. I miss him. I promised myself to dedicate every part of me to him until death took us apart, I just didn't think that it would be this soon.

Without him, time didn't matter. Life didn't matter. Who I was with him was who I wanted to be. Who I needed to be to survive. I didn't know how to get up each day without remembering him. I didn't know how to get over this death. How to accept it. 

How do you accept that the one person who made you feel alive was seven feet under? How your home was gone? Where do you go when you have no home? No reason to live?

I am too young to feel like I'm running out of time. 

And with each day that passes, it feel like a lifetime. Each second that passes without Harry in this world is a day left wasted, a life not worth living. He made me feel alive. He made me feel loved, even if I didn't love myself. He made time matter. He made life matter. If his life didn't matter enough why does mine?

There were so many things I had yet to say to him, so many thing we had yet to tell each other. How do I keep going if the one thing that kept me going was gone?

He knew to say goodbye. I knew to say goodbye. I guess you can feel when your love is getting stripped away slowly. 

A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts as I stood up, wrapping a towel around me before going to the door. 

Melody stood on the other side, her eyes red and puffy from crying. I immediately opened the door wider for her, letting her in.

She turned to me. "What's wrong?"

She sniffled, her eyes meeting mine. "We weren't bombed today by a rival camp."

"What?"

"James told you that people that are trying to kill us are rival camps that are jealous?" she spoke quietly. "It's not true."

"Then who is it?" 

"Past S33 members."

I sat down, pulling my towel tighter around me. "What?"

"When James took over, most got out," she said to me. "I didn't, people like Andrew didn't. They escaped and made a new camp to build their supplies to fight against him."

I nodded for her to continue.

"At first, James wasn't worried, no one cared," she shrugged. "But lately they've become bolder, they know their way around this camp, they know about our camp. It's like someone is inside giving them information. They're trying to take down James and they're willing to kill everyone in the way to do it."

"We can help them-"

"No, we can't," she shook her head. "They're called the Condemned for a reason. They started by taking people and slowly lowering our population but once they saw James was only getting stronger, it became about winning. They're going to kill all of us if we don't kill them first."

I shook my head. "No, no, we can help them. If we kill James and merge as one lar-"

"No, Saige, you're not understanding!" she yelled. "They're going to kill us all, not help us!"

"I'm not fighting these people, if anything, we should help them."

"No, once you become apart of the Condemned, you don't return," she spoke quietly. "They brainwash you into believing that killing is the only way to survive."

"We have to do this," I said firmly. "We need to take down James and all his men."

She huffed, meeting my eyes. "Fine, but if we do this there's no turning back."

I smiled softly, squeezing her hand. "No turning back."